And, the letdown...

And, the letdown. . .

Does anyone else feel this huge letdown after Christmas is over? I mean, there is this great, huge, l o n g leadup, and then it's over (snap!), just like that. I think I enjoy the anticipation of it more than the actual day. I love the Christmas season. I do not like seeing my friends stressed, but for me, I just refuse to get that way. Okay, I did for about a day when it was looking like we couldn't get the kids anything, but usually I'm not like that. I just love the spirit of the season, the feeling in the air, the lights, and songs on the radio. Getting cards in the mail, and getting to put my snowman collection out. It's like with the dinner. I cooked on Christmas day from around 8 AM until about 1:30 or 2 PM, when we ate. It takes so long to cook this huge dinner, and we're finished and I'm packing it all away within a half hour of finishing. It's just so... anti-climactic.

So anyway, the party on Wednesday went okay. It actually did not stop raining and we had to leave early due to things getting icy. I did not want to get stuck in a ditch in 30 degree (and dropping) weather, with four kids. There was already ice on the trees and grass as we went through town, and our porch was slushy when we got here. By Thursday morning, oh yeah, there was ice everywhere, with a thin layer of snow on top. Some of it is actually, amazingly, still out there. So, I can officially say that Christmas 2004 was a white one! :-)

I am in the organizing mood today! I cleaned the house up (except for my bedroom, which gets a whole day to itself), and even organized the cabinet in my laundry room. Before the end of the week, I am going to clean out my closet. I am purging - we simply do not have room to keep clothes we don't wear, junk we don't use, things we don't need. So it's all going. If I can sell it, I will. If not, off to Goodwill it goes. I'm going to organize Darrell's tools for him - he can never find a damn thing because he has about, oh, 3,000 places he sets stuff when he's finished. I'm going to try to work out some sort of system for tools he uses a lot, etc. Of course, him putting them back where they go is entirely up to him. But I'll put him a system in place. If he doesn't follow it, I don't want to hear the standard bitching when he can't find (insert tool here). I want to get all of this finished before New Year's Eve. I don't know why exactly, I just want to have everything in order by the new year.

The kids had a wonderful Christmas Day. I wish we had gotten Hunter something else besides a Gameboy, though. Since we got them the GameCube from Santa, he's barely touched his GB. Of course, when we bought the GB, we didn't know we were going to buy a GC for all of them. Oh well, he'll have the GB when he gets tired of MarioKart (that's the only game they have right now), and he can use it in the van on trips and such. Mackenzie loved, loved, loved her Easy Bake Oven. She had to make a little cake as soon as all the present opening was finished. And Shelby got 5 dolls for Christmas. Combined with the ones she already had, she doesn't know which one to put in her stroller first. LOL If I had known so many people would get her dolls, we would have just gotten her more accessories to go with them. For her birthday, I think we'll get her some, maybe a doll carseat, and some diapers. Those are two things that she loves to use of Maggie's. I don't let her use the diapers - too expensive. But everytime I go to put Maggie in her seat, a doll is buckled up in there. Ha!

I must hit the hay now. I just realized it's midnight! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, and I hope 2005 holds lots of good things for you. :o)

We Three Things:
For Kim..

Three names you go by: Mom, Paula, Momma

Three screennames you have: paula46, pkeeton, pmkeeton (How creative I am!)

Three things you like about yourself: sense of humor, giving nature, ability to look at a situation from different perspectives

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself: my intense dislike of confrontation. Not that being confrontational is a good thing, but I have a hard time speaking up even when it's warranted. Also, my lack of patience and my weight.

Three parts of your heritage: Spanish, Native American, and Scottish

Three things that scare you: something happening to my kids or husband, dying slowly and painfully, and tornados

Three of your everyday essentials: the internet, Diet Dr. Pepper, squishy, kissy cheeks

Three things you are wearing right now: t-shirt, pajama pants, bra

Three of your favorite bands/artists at the moment: Maroon 5, Sara Evans, Montgomery Gentry

Three of your favorite songs at present: Suds in the Bucket, Mr. Mom, Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)

Three things you want to try in the next 12 months: photography, sewing, scrapbooking

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given) : trust, laughter, friendship

Two truths and a lie: I speak three languages, I lost my virginity at 13, I was in the color guard in high school

Three physical things about the opposite (or same) sex that appeals to you: hands, butt, face

Three things you just can't do: sing, dance, almost anything involving coordination

Three of your favorite hobbies: surfing the net, reading, and decorating

Three things you want to do really badly right now: Build onto the house, win the lottery, build onto the house (I really want that badly)

Three careers you're considering: Hmm. Mommy, teacher, office management

Three places you want to go on vacation: France, Australia, Canada

Three kids names: Drew, Hannah, Sylvia

Three things you want to do before you die: take a real vacation, build onto the house, not be poor. Poor sucks ass.

Three people who have to take this quiz now or die a slow orgasmic death: Hell, do I know anyone who hasn't taken it by now?

Fun with Family...
So, who all is trying to deal with their families with the holiday fast approaching? I'm lucky, in that I don't have the familial problems that some do. And it helps that we don't go anywhere on Christmas, so there are no arguments about whose house we are going to, and how long we are going to stay at any one place. Most of my mom's family is going to my great-aunt's house in Dyersburg on Christmas day, my mom included. So we had a dinner at my mom's last Saturday and exchanged gifts then. She got Hunter a race track and made him a pair of pajamas. For Kenzie was a Polly Pocket set and a handmade poncho. Shelby got the most - a baby doll, poncho, robe, and quilt (the last three things were made by my mom). She made Maggie a quilt as well, and Darrell a pair of lounging/pajama pants. And she made me a quilt also. The lady that Mom was working for gave Kenzie a porcelian doll, and Hunter $10.

Tonight (12/22) is my family Christmas party. We're going to my great-grandparents house for it. We started doing a party last year, since a lot of times we all don't make it together for Christmas day. This way, we can visit and see each other, regardless of our Christmas plans. This year, we are bringing a generic, same sex gift, that way everyone that comes gets a gift. The kids are not exchanging gifts, my Granny has something planned for them. I have a tart burner to give from me, and we bought a cologne gift set to give from Darrell. I wonder how many of the men are going to get cologne. LOL

Darrell's family doesn't do anything like that. We never get together on his side of the family. Even if you do try to make it on the actual holiday to have dinner, everyone eats as they come in and then they leave. We went up on Thanksgiving by noon, and no one was there. But when everyone is there anyway, it's so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Our families are definitely polar opposites. My kids are loud like me. :D

It is 10:10 AM and Shelby is still asleep. I don't believe this. Usually 9 is the latest she'll sleep in. Mackenzie is at my mom's, she spent the night last night, and Maggie is napping, so it's just me and Hunter. Darrell is working today. Hunter is finally eating some breakfast, we played Go-fish for a while this morning, and he had to feed the dog. It's raining today, although the temperature is supposed to drop and turn to snow sometime this evening or tonight. We're forecasted for "up to 1"" LOL I figure the rain will be gone by the time the temps drop, that's how it usually goes. I don't ever remember seeing a white Christmas, and I don't expect for it to happen this year either. Our Christmas Eve and Day temps are only in the low 20s though (highs), so if it did snow, we might keep it around until Christmas. Maybe. It flurried the other day, but just for a bit and of course nothing stuck.

Well, I should go do laundry before the girls wake up...

Back in the swing of things...
Okay, it's me again. To update from my last post in July -- I never did get a baby shower. Which was fine by me. Really. The bastard still hasn't gone to trial, either, but he didn't make bail. He can rot in jail forever as far as I'm concerned. I am not pregnant anymore (Hee!), and I passed the three hour GTT. And I didn't get that diaper bag, it went for way more than I was willing to give for a bag.

The kids are finishing up school this week. Tomorrow is a full day, Hunter has his Christmas party. We made cupcakes tonight. I made them, then Hunter frosted them and decorated them with green sugar. I have to take them up there for the party tomorrow. I'm having Mom watch Shelby since Darrell is working tomorrow. I don't know if I could manage to carry Maggie, cupcakes, and keep up with Shelby all on my own. I should probably take the Snugli for Maggie - I hope I don't forget it.

It's cold! Yesterday it was only about 33­° for the high, and it was 19° when I walked the kids to the school bus this morning. We put a blanket out in Princess' dog house, and Darrell put a heat lamp in there too. She did alright, although her water was frozen in the bowl this morning. It finally feels like winter anyway! Last Thursday was our town's Christmas parade, and it was cold then too, but not as bad. I bundled Maggie up in her snowsuit and put a blanket over her, and she stayed toasty through the whole thing. I've never had a teeny baby in the winter before, I had all the other kids at the very tail-end of winter (for our area anyway).

Well, I could probably ramble on for a while about nothing in particular, but I won't bore you. :) I do want to say though, I got a Christmas card from my SIL the other day, and my brother has been shipped back out to Iraq, so please keep him and all the military people in your thoughts this holiday season.

So, I'm back. Geez, it's been a long time since I've made an entry. I didn't realize it had been that long! A lot has went on since July. The kids started school, I had a baby, holidays, Darrell's been sick. I kept meaning to come post an update and then I'd think of all the things I had to update and it would just overwhelm me and I'd put it off again. Plus, I'm just not much of a writer, and I feel like my entries are boring as hell. Heh. It's been so long that I put in the wrong username to sign into my account. I thought they had deleted me. Haha!

I'm going to try to start posting regularly again. Maybe just a couple of times a week - it's not like I lead such an exciting life to post everyday. :)

I'll end with the most exciting thing that's happened all year: the birth of Margaret Emily, AKA Maggie. Born September 7, 2004 at 11:23 A.M., weighing 7 pounds, 15 ounces - 20 inches long.

Well, there was no baby shower yesterday. Stacey called me on Friday and said she hadn't been able to get a building reserved. She was going to keep trying to get ahold of the park manager and schedule it for August 1. We'll see though, I guess, Stacey is notoriously slow. I'm going ahead and buying things I need, I'm not counting on being given anything at a shower. Just in case. :)

I had a Dr. appointment today. I am 32 weeks pregnant now, in 50 days I'll be having a baby! I gained two pounds at this visit, and found out I failed the one hour glucose test. So I have to go take the three hour test at some point this week or next. Blech. I hope this one comes back okay and I do not have gestational diabetes. That would surely suck. But I'd deal with it, of course.

There was another preliminary hearing today. I don't know what all happened, but Danny said that they set bail at $250,000. WTF is that? I thought, in general, murder suspects don't get bail. So we don't know if he's out now or what. What kind of scary thought is that? I was scared enough with him being IN jail. Geez. I think you have to come up with 10% or something like that to be bonded out. I don't think his family has that kind of money, but still, why did they set bail at all? They haven't reported anything about it on the news, heck, they haven't reported on any of it since the actual murders. There was another case recently in a neighboring town where a guy broke in and shot his wife, daughter and son. The wife and daughter died. They reported on finding the guy, all his hearings, the funerals for the women, the son testifying against his father, etc. I don't know how they choose what to report on, but I would think this case was newsworthy. Of course it may all be in how open the family is to keeping the media informed. But anyway. That was a pretty pointless ramble. Heh.

I guess that's it for tonight. I'm waiting for an auction to end, it's a diaper bag with a matching small bag for a child. It is such a cute set, and it can be used as a purse after the baby doesn't need a diaper bag anymore. So cute! Here's the auction: Link It's at $20.50 right now though, and I'm not giving an outrageous amount for a bag, so I may not win it. But one can hope. :)

I am starting to feel so uncomfortable. The baby is mostly all up in the top part of my belly, or it feels that way anyway. My stomach is mostly popped out at the top too, not at the bottom at all. I'm sure I look odd. Heh. Last night I felt so bloated, all the pizza I ate probably didn't help, but still. I've recently started waking up a lot at night too. I can't stay comfortable. I probably wake up 5-6 times a night anymore. Our air conditioner is still fucked up and we're lucky if we can keep it at 80* in the daytime in here -- which is nowhere near as cool as I like it to be. I'll be glad for this baby to be born, and then for winter to get here. This summer baby shit is for the birds.

I had to go do my glucose testing yesterday. Luckily my OB arranged for me to do it at a local clinic, so I wouldn't have to drive up there and then hang out for an hour after drinking that stuff. So I got up early and went and did it. I was so hungry and so thirsty by the time they finally drew the blood and I could eat. I hope the results are good, I do not want to experience the three hour test.

Mackenzie and I went and did some school shopping yesterday, too. We got her two pair of jeans (one khaki and one blue), a pair of capri pants, four shirts and some socks. She also got a new backpack, her's from last year broke midway through the year and she had to use her one from Kindergarten (which was one of the clear-types) to finish the year. Hunter still has his from 2nd grade that he can reuse. I told her I want her to use this one for two years also. Heh. I went ahead and picked up some glue and crayons too, since I know some of the basics of what she'll need. I have no clue what Hunter will need.

I found some good deals on shorts for Hunter, too. They are clearancing a lot of summer stuff, so I got him two pairs of shorts for $5 each (the capri pants for Kenzie were also clearanced at $11). Unfortunately one pair is too small, so I have to take them back and exchange them today. Then I also got him four shirts and socks. He doesn't like one of the shirts, so it has to go back today too. It was a clearance shirt at $3, so I don't know if I'll be able to find something to replace it. I considered keeping it and putting it up on Ebay, but it's only a $6 shirt to begin with, so I don't know what I'd get out of it. It is so hard to get Hunter's sizing right. He wears different sizes in different brands. In Faded Glory shorts/pants, he wears an 8 Husky. But in Bugle Boy, he wears a 12 Husky! Can you believe the difference? Crazy. The shorts that are too small are a BB 12, which according to the tag is for boys 73-85 pounds or something like that. The Husky size is for 73-95 pounds, and Hunter is 94 pounds. I don't know why I didn't realize when I was buying that I was picking a 12H and a regular 12 and that one of them would either be too small or too big. Duh me. Heh.

So anyway, that'll get them started. They do have a few things left from the summer that are still in good school shape. They'll both need new shoes and underwear before their first day, though. I wish they'd put the supply lists out a few weeks early so I could go ahead and be buying that stuff, but they wait until a couple of days before school starts.

We've been here a week now. It's okay, I don't miss the other place as much as I thought I would. I was just so used to it, and it was our first place together. :) This place is smaller, but it has more room. Well, in spots anyway. Heh. The living room is considerably bigger, and so is the master bedroom. The kitchen, on the other hand, is teeny, and the bathroom would make a nice closet. One thing that sucks is when we remodel I can't make the kitchen any bigger, because the bar that separates the living room and kitchen is load bearing. But, since I won't need the space on the other side of the room for a table, we can add cabinets and counterspace around two more walls. It ought to all work out in the end. :)

I got Mackenzie's softball pictures back today. They are so good! I hate buying pictures ahead of time like that, cause then you're stuck with them even if they stink. Heh. I let her hang the group pic in her room and I kept the one of her alone in the living room. If and when we hook the printer back up, I'll scan it in. It'd make a good sig on the forums. :)

I need to call my sister about my baby shower. When she found out I was pregnant in January, she immediately said 'good, now we can have another baby shower'. I did not mention it or even bring it up, it was purely her idea. She set the date for July 18 and was telling me all this stuff she had done for it, favors and gifts she'd bought, and game ideas, etc. She was bugging me for the guest list in MAY! I didn't even get a registry set up until the first part of June. I put her off on that because I didn't want people to get the invitation two months ahead of time and then forget about the shower. So now it's supposed to be on Sunday. I ran into my grandmother at Wal-Mart on Friday evening and guess what? She hasn't gotten an invitation yet! Now come on! I was purposely putting buying some stuff off because I wanted to see what I'd have after the shower. I could have been buying those things! This is highly irritating. If she didn't want to or couldn't have me a shower, that is absolutely fine. I never expected one anyway, this IS my fourth child afterall. But if you're going to make a big fuss about it, then follow through dammit! I know she's busy with her husband's lawnmower racing, and they travel out of town many a weekend to go to races. Heck, I would have filled out the invites and mailed them if she'd let me know she couldn't do it. I assumed they'd been mailed out weeks ago. Now I'm wondering if she even reserved a building at the park to have the shower in. I need to call her, I'm not going to be rude or accuse, I'm just going to ask her which building she reserved and we'll go from there. I guess I should have went ahead and gave her the guest list in May, she may have got the invitations mailed by mid-June!

My kids go back to school if 4 - count 'em: one, two, three, four - weeks. I have to say that I am ready. It has been so boring this summer, I am hot and irritable and my patience is very thin lately. And all they can seem to do is pick, pick, pick, pick, fucking pick. I want to ring their necks sometimes. I made them sit in the living room floor the other day and hold hands for a while. LOL I was just at my wits' end with what to do with them. It is just constantly something, and it's usually over nothing. It is just so stupid - if one of them does something, the other has to criticize it. If one of them is whistling, or singing, or sitting the wrong damn way, well you know it just irritates the other one and it must.stop.NOW. They eye each other at every meal so they can tell the other one to stop chewing with their mouth open or whatnot. They remind me of the kids on the Sunny Delight commercial with the 'I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you' crap. Except in my house, the girl wouldn't be sitting there ignoring the boy, she'd be loudly protesting and then shoving or smacking him.

The hubby is home. More later.

How do people get big titles? I've seen blogs with each entry titled. Oh well, I probably couldn't come up with a good title for every entry anyway. :)

You know what I hate? Blobs of toothpaste left in the sink. God, my mind is all over the place. Haha.

My mom came and moved her own stuff, woohoo! I'm so glad I didn't have to do that and try to stuff it all in the shed. I hope she has her own place by Christmas though, because all of my Christmas decorations are in the shed, probably covered up by her stuff. That'll be fun to try to get to, I'm sure.

We've moved some stuff over there already. Stuff that we don't use, like all the baby's stuff is over there, some of the kids' toys, all my living room decorations. My living room looks so bare now. It's nice though, that I can do it a piece at a time, instead of boxing everything, then having to unpack and organize everything all at once. But of course all the biggest stuff has to come at the same time, like all the beds, furniture, tv, washer/dryer, computer. I'm dreading how crowded it's going to be, I hope it doesn't take us too long to get the addition built on.

I took a bunch of pictures of the whole thing empty the other day. Man, you can tell this thing was built right out of the '70s. The walls are all paneled, except in the bathroom where they have these horrid brown and blue flowers all over them. Then the kitchen has this ugly farm scene paneling. Nasty. The cabinets look like paneling, the linoleum in the kitchen is brick red, and the carpet is a orange/rust/red shag stuff. And I think appliances were smaller and people were shorter in the '70s. LOL We have to remove one of the cabinets to fit in our refrigerator, and I'm taller than the stove exhaust hood! Crazy. I'll be so, so very happy to remodel that section. I'm going to put up a website sometime with all the before pictures, then progress pictures, and finally the after shots. I'm anxious to get started and for it to be finished!

Well, I did it. I told Mom that she had to move her stuff out of the other trailer. I felt bad about it, I mean we did tell her she could stay there as long as she needed to. It just sucks that she already moved all her stuff in. I mean, the whole place is decorated and everything, even though there wasn't any water, electricity, septic, etc. And now she's told me she doesn't know if she'll be able to get her stuff packed before they leave for Michigan (on July 2nd). So, joy of joys, I'll most likely be the lucky gal that gets to pack up all her stuff and store it in the shed, then pack up and move my own stuff. We can't wait until she gets back at the end of July to start moving. No way. The kids start school August 6, and we want to be over there and as settled as possible before then.

There were no hard feelings, though, which is good. Well, I shouldn't say that, she may be pissed as hell at me but she hasn't said so. Ha! Seriously, I didn't bring up any of her actions or anything, I just told her that because of the financial situation and the shop potentially closing and all that, we needed to move over there and we needed to do it soon. She said she understood, we have to think about what is best for our family and not really worry about her. I still have that damn guilt complex that makes me feel bad about it. I try to talk myself out of it though. :)

I'll scan in the floorplans and all as soon as I get around to it. They're nothing professional, just a little piece I did on graph paper, just for reference. We're really lucky that Darrell knows how to do all this building stuff, we could never afford to hire all this stuff out.

We took the kids and went fishing last night up at Danny's pond. I took a book so I could read, but instead I spent the entire time keeping Shelby from falling in the water. She kept throwing all the rocks she could find in the water, which we all know is not good for catching fish. Heh. Mackenzie caught a bunch though, probably a good 7 or 8. They were all small brim, and some of them were no bigger than the ones in Darrell's fish tank. Heh. She had a good time though. She and Hunter learned how to bait their own hooks and cast out the line themselves. We've always done that for them before. The only thing they wouldn't do is actually take the fish off the hook. Heh.

After we got home, we watched 50 First Dates. It was really good. I figured it would be, I like both Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore. And Rob Schneider was hilarious in it.

Wow, I just realized that the 4th of July is next weekend. I don't know what we're going to do. Last year, Mom was just starting to date Richard and they came down and we grilled out. Amy came down too, and that's the night she went home and got all sad cause she was all alone and called Danny. I've seen her once since then. Wow. I don't want to buy any fireworks, they're just a waste of money really. I don't know of any displays around here, there aren't any that I know of. They never put on anything like that. I wish the city would do a display up at the park or something. The kids love to watch fireworks. We'll think of something to do I guess.

I realized today that the kids have 6 weeks until they go back to school. Half of their summer break has already went by! They have the whole month of July, the rest of this month and the first week in August. Crazy. I went through clothes yesterday and dug out several pairs of shorts, two pants and some capris that Mackenzie can finally wear. They were given to me a long time ago, they're all 7s and 8s. So that sets her up for the warm part of the school year anyway, at least in pants. She needs some shirts, new underwear and socks, and new shoes. I saw some really cute shirts at Wal-Mart last night that will be perfect for school. They are just plain short sleeve shirts, some are solid colors, some are stripes, and some have writing on the front. They are all $5 each. I'm going to get her several of those, and then a few others of some other type. I'm gonna go this weekend or next and go ahead and put them some clothes on layaway. Hunter has three pairs of shorts that are nice looking, the rest are definitely not school clothes. So he needs a few more pair of shorts, shirts, socks, underwear, and shoes. And he has no pants for the winter. He's grown so much over the past year, we no longer have a stockpile of stuff to reuse the next season. He's like a baby, he outgrows each size in one season that I can't reuse his clothes. And what he could possibly wear the next year, he ruins - either by getting holes all in it or staining it beyond repair. He's definitely rough on clothes.

I always forget to read my comments. Heh. Am I supposed to reply to them, like it's a message board? LOL I'm clueless.

Tonight is Mackenzie's last ball game. They won their game on Tuesday, 24-23. It was so close! What a great game, though. That team is a good one to play. Actually all the teams are except for one. They are really good (they didn't lose a single game), but they're snooty about it. I was so glad to finish the last game against them. :)

I called Amy today to tell her about a family reunion and about our great-grandmother, and we ended up talking for almost two hours! We haven't really talked like that in forever, almost a year now I guess. It was easy though, we used to talk on the phone for hours all the time. I can't call her too too often though, it's long-distance. Heh.

Mom came by, she wants me to drive her to Dyersburg on Monday. I told her I couldn't. I wouldn't mind going and seeing Grandma, but my radiator acts up sometimes, and I don't know if I'll have gas money anyway. We have quite a bit of bills to pay this weekend (none of which she's offered to pitch in for, including an almost $200 electric bill).

An old friend of mine dropped by the forum yesterday. I was shocked to see her. We used to be really close friends. We originally met on a forum for younger parents, then we ended up starting HerTime together. We talked on the phone all.the.time, and we even met in person a couple of times. Then after Shelby was born she kind of slacked off on the phone calls. She and her husband moved a lot and I didn't have contact information for her a lot of time. Then they finally moved back to their hometown and she still wasn't getting in touch with me that much. I often felt that I had put more into our friendship than she had. I mean, she would never call me back when she said she would, she didn't return emails, she just was generally inconsiderate in a lot of ways. I wrote her a few letters, sent pictures of Shelby and stuff and never got a response. Finally, at Christmas that year, I sent her a Christmas card with a letter that basically told her how I felt. I told her that I was tired of basically having a friendship with myself, because I was the only one doing anything. I mean, I didn't expect that we'd talk on the phone daily and email once a week or anything. But a few months after you've written a letter you kind of expect SOME type of response, whether it's a letter in return or a quick phone call or something. So I haven't been in touch with her since that time. I guess it pissed her off, since she never attempted to apologize or get back in touch with me.

She's posting at the old parents forum and we posted back and forth a little bit but it's kind of strained. Or maybe I'm just expecting it to be strained and am reading into it. She hasn't mentioned our last correspondence. Heh. It's weird, "seeing" her again.

Well, I'm out of stuff to talk about for one day. I think of all these things I want to type out in my blog, but when I sit down to do it my mind goes blank. Figures, huh?

I hate mopping. Really, if there was one chore I could pick that I'd never have to do again, I'd pick mopping.

My arm is better, thank you for asking. :) I didn't go to the doctor because it cleared up on it's own after a few days of limited movement, and my Dr. was on vacation that week anyway. I think I just slept on it wrong and pulled something slightly out of place.

The situation with my Mom is improved, but only because she's not here. Haha! Last week, Richard's mother lost her balance coming down a ladder, fell, and broke her hip. She thought she was on the bottom rung, but was on the second one up, and she stepped down from it like she was on the bottom, then lost her balance and fell down. Ladies, take your calcium! But anyway, so there was brief talk about hiring my mom as a full-time "helper", so to speak. She'd live in their upstairs apartment and be paid to take care of them (Richard's dad has Alzheimers, so he can't be left alone), doing day to day stuff. So Darrell and I were happy about that, because she'd be moving out and no hurt feelings.

Then her children, most of which live in Michigan, talked her and her husband into coming up there and staying for a while. They had planned to go in July anyway, for some sort of church camp thing, and Mom was going to go with them to drive them. So now, she's staying there taking care of them for the next 6 weeks or so, then she'll still go with them to Michigan in July. My only beef with this is it's like another temporary job, and when she gets back from Michigan in late July, she'll be in the same boat she's in now - NO JOB. She'll basically be starting from scratch in her search, which prolongs her stay here.

But Darrell and I have decided to go ahead with the addition to the other trailer. We're going to build on two bedrooms and a living room. The new addition will be around 20 feet wide and 70 feet long. We'll have a 30x20 foot living room, a 15x20 foot bedroom, and a 25x20 foot bedroom. The two new rooms will be a master bedroom, which we'll be putting a bathroom in also, and a bedroom for the two little girls. We also plan to rip out all of the paneling in the old trailer and put sheetrock in. What is now the kitchen and living room will become kitchen and dining room. We plan to replace all the cabinets in the kitchen, and add some new ones, along with a pantry. We also plan to put hardwood (or laminate, more likely) floors in the old and new spaces. Yay for no carpet! Heh. After we do all that, we're going to brick around both structures (which will actually be one by that time), and voila! A house. :) But like I said, we are going to go ahead and start. We're going to be doing it all ourselves, and doing it as we can, so it's not going to be a quick task by any means. It'll take us a good while, but at least we have a place to live in the meantime, even if it is cramped. This way Mom has time to look for and find a job and get her own place. This will also let her know without a doubt that this is not a place for her to stay indefinitely. We thought we were clear to begin with, but we've got the impression from her that she intends to live out her golden years in that trailer. Not. We didn't buy it for her to live in. And the best part is, it'll all be PAID FOR when we're finished. A house and no mortgage, won't that be great?

The heartburn has really started to kick in with this pregnancy lately. I get it a lot for no reason. I doubt this child having a lot of hair though, none of my other kids did and I had bad heartburn with them too. So much for that old wives' tale.

I am so tired today. I had to get up early to take Darrell to work, because I had to run make a deposit at the bank. I didn't get in bed until after 11 last night, and I'm not used to that. I don't want to get in the habit of staying up late and sleeping in. I like sleeping in, but then it seems the day goes by so fast and is wasted.

Mackenzie has two more softball games to finish up the season. I don't know why they cram so many games in 6 weeks time and end the season so early in the summer. Weird. But she's had a good time, and she's gotten really good. They had a game on Saturday, and they won 11-4. I don't know how many we've won vs. lost though. It doesn't really matter though, she's had fun playing and that's the important part. I think she'll probably play again next summer. She wants to play soccer this fall, but I'm kind of hesitant. It's more expensive for one thing, and I've heard a lot about knee injuries in soccer. Plus they do all their games on Saturdays, which isn't really good for us. We've had two softball games on Saturday. Occasionally I can handle it, but not every weekend. Darrell is home on Saturdays and we usually use those days to do things as a family. She wanted to cheerlead too, for the Jr. Pro teams. Those teams are not school affiliated, our Ele. and Intermediate schools don't do football - football doesn't start in the school system until 7th grade. So this lets the littler ones play, and they put together a cheerleading squad too. But I told her no. It's even more expensive, you have to buy the uniforms, certain shoes, etc., and there is a lot of travel to competitions and such.

Whew! We've been busy these past few days. On Saturday morning, Kenzie had a game (one of only two Saturday games. I hate weekend games). Then Saturday afternoon, we all went to Columbia and saw Shrek 2. It was really good, we all liked it and had fun. It was expensive though. Including our lunch at Burger King, admission at the movies, and snacks, we spent around $65. Yikes! Which is why we don't do that very often at all. Heh.

My arm is very nearly killing me. It hurts so bad. It started hurting several days ago, maybe a week, I really don't remember exactly. I thought I had slept on it wrong and it would work itself out. It hurt that day, and a little that night, but seemed better by the next morning. It would still hurt if I moved it certain ways, but it wasn't bad. Then yesterday it started hurting again, all the way down my elbow into my wrist. Today it hurts just in my upper arm, but I can barely use my arm today. It hurts pretty badly just to lift my arm up. I can move it backwards with no problem, but if I try to lift it up to the side or forward, no can do. I basically can't move my upper arm (from the elbow up) away from my body without pain. I'm going to go to the doctor in the morning and see if I can't get this fixed. I can't deal with having just one hand. I look so funny too, I'm sure. I have to use my right hand to raise my left arm up if I need it up. I should probably be leaving it alone, but I can't use one hand to wash my hair or pull it up in a ponytail, or the other hundreds of things I do everyday. Darrell tried to get me to go to the doctor today, but I put it off. I really needed to get the house cleaned, and I'm afraid he's going to put me on restriction with what I can do with my arm. :-/

I need to get to bed. I am so drained, I really need my sleep right now. I wish my life would slow down for a little bit. I can't keep up! ;)

Woohoo - new template! :) Redoing all the links and stuff is a pain in the ass, though. Heh.

My mother is really getting on Darrell's and my nerves. I am such a wuss, I feel bad about feeling irritated with her. I've got to get this shit under control. I wonder if there is any self-help books on how to stop feeling guilty. Heh. Darrell has just about had it, he's about ready to tell her she can't stay here any longer. She's just really different than she used to be. I guess I remember when I lived at home, how she kept things clean - she was really anal about it, like I am. Heh. Since she's been staying with us though, she's just gotten more and more lazy. I do not mind picking up after my kids and my husband, to a certain extent. Of course, I'm not their maid and they don't treat me like one, but I do the basic cleanup as far as mopping, bathrooms, laundry, cooking, etc. And I'm fine with that. Darrell and I have more traditional roles within our marriage, and that works for us. But, I would expect that Mom -- staying with us for an indefinite amount of time -- would pitch in more and help out.

We are feeling like we are being taken advantage of. She's working with Richard's mother, for five freaking dollars an hour. Hell, she could work a minimum wage job and make more than that! I think that she's continuing to work with her so that she can keep tabs on what Richard is doing. I think if they talked, she'd be right back with him. And to be honest, I kinda wish that would happen, just so she'd be gone. We bought a mobile home that needed a little work. We didn't buy it FOR her, but we told her she could stay there. She's completely went in and took it over, like it belongs to her. She wants to pay back the money that we paid for it, and it be hers. We are absolutely NOT interested in doing that. For one thing, we got it for a steal, and if we sold it we'd want to make money on it. Secondly, it's really in better condition than our home is in, as far as floors and walls and stuff goes, and we'd actually like to build some rooms on and move into it ourselves. The only reason we offered to let her stay there instead is because she needed a place to live, and that place only has two bedrooms at the moment. Since we bought it she's really changed though. She's over there all the time, she's not helping me do any of the housework, laundry, cleaning up after supper, cooking, etc. She started cleaning on it and moving stuff into it before we even had blocks under it. Darrell just got it re-plumbed last week (it had to have all new pipes throughout). It doesn't have permanent electricity, hell - it doesn't even have septic in it yet! We have bills to pay here and things to do here, and we can't afford to do it all in one whack. And yet, she's staying over there already these past few days. She's waiting until midnight to come over here and get her something to eat, take a shower, use the bathroom, etc. She woke me up two nights ago in the kitchen, and Darrell said last night she scared the shit out of him, coming in at midnight. How irritating is that?

Then tonight, Richard's daughter Chasity called and asked for Mom. I had Hunter take the phone over there to her, and next thing I know she's back asking me if she can use my car. She needs to go to *another town* to pick Chasity up, because she went over there to a graduation and didn't have any way back home. It would not surprise me in the least to find out that Chasity went over there knowing she didn't have a way back and planned to call Mom and sucker her into coming and getting her all along. She *knows* mom doesn't have a car, that it'd be my car she'd use, but she didn't even mention it to me when I answered the phone. I should have said no, she couldn't use my car, but I'm a sucker too, I guess. Darrell is really pissed off about it, especially with gas prices the way they are lately. He told me not to let her use the car for anything like that again, which I can't blame him. I really feel the same way, I guess I was just caught off guard.

So, this will probably be the end of a good relationship with my Mom. I told Darrell tonight that I have been really surprised by how this has been going. I certainly did not expect for things to go this way. I guess she's just changed and not living with her, I haven't noticed it as clearly. Oh, this isn't going to be pretty. :-/

One more day of school left. I'll be glad to get out of the 'rise at 6 AM' routine everyday. I hate getting up so early. But on the other hand, it's hard keeping these kids entertained for nearly 3 full months. This summer is going to be so miserable too. I've never been pregnant in the summertime. :) I have an OB appointment next week, the 24th. I was supposed to go on the 14th, but I cancelled it since we had that viewing to go to. They rescheduled me for yesterday at 12:30, but I'm stupid and didn't even think about having to be here to pick up the kids from school. So I called yesterday and cancelled that one, and they put me to Monday, the 24th. I guess all my appointments will be put on Monday now. I liked the Friday appointments. Then the kids have to go to the dentist on Tuesday for some minor work. Hunter has one cavity and Mackenzie has two "dots" of cavity that they have to have fixed. I think we're just going to mostly relax for the first couple of weeks of summer vacation, not worrying about scheduling things or anything. I need to catch up on my sleep.

The preliminary hearing was today. Of course the fucker pleaded not guilty. He couldn't have the decency to not put everyone through a trial. I guess when you kill two people in cold blood, their families' and friends' suffering is not really top priority in your mind, though. I don't know what the next step is. I watched the news today but they didn't have anything about it. The Nashville stations were only interested in the sensationalism of the first few days. Now that all the boring court stuff is starting, they don't want to report on it. There should be something in the newspaper tomorrow, it's still HUGE news around here.

Well, not much to write today and I need to go get Shelby a bath. She's very cranky, she didn't have a real good nap today. And Darrell wants me to watch a movie with him. We're just taking it easy tonight, trying not to think about this time last week. I can't believe it's been a week already. In some ways it's like 'it's ONLY been a week?' and then it also feels like 'it's ALREADY been a week?'

Monday. Back to the grind for everybody. The kids only have three days of school left until summer vacation, though. I'm looking forward to the break, and dreading it too. The fighting between the kids is what I dread. I've got to keep us busy this summer. We can't do much running around though, not with gas prices so crazily expensive. We'll stick close to home I guess, play in the creek, take picnics, etc. The kids' cooking class that we usually go to isn't going to be going on this summer. The office that that program was through was cut, budget problems. We'll still have library story hour, anyway, I guess.

Well, we found out from the CSI people pretty much what happened. I guess this is as much as we'll ever know. There were some things I was wondering about that this explanation answered for me. For instance, I had wondered if the guy had pulled up in the driveway or what. I figured that was unlikely, because Joey wouldn't have just sat there and not seen who was at his house. Nor did he mention to Danny that someone was there. So I figured he snuck up. It turns out, his brother drove him over there, knowing what he was planning on doing. He dropped him off either down the road, or at another road that is close to Joey and Cindy's house if you go through the woods.

Apparently Cindy was out on the backporch, and he walked up around the side of the house and shot her in the side (I think the left side). This was when Danny heard Seana screaming and Joey dropped the phone to see what was going on. They think Joey was pulling Cindy in the house and trying to figure out what was going on when he was shot in the arm. He was shot in his left arm, between the hand and the elbow. His arm was just shredded, they said. This was probably the point when Joey ran back to the bedroom to get his gun, and the guy came on in the house, followed him to the bedroom and shot him in the back. Joey had his hand on his gun when he was found. He was so close. Evidently after that, he went back to the kitchen and shot Cindy in the head. I don't know when Seana ran out of the house, probably after Joey was shot, because up to that point he didn't even know what was happening. So either he or Cindy probably told Seana to run right after Joey got shot in the arm. Also, at some point, the guy turned the television up extremely loud. Which doesn't make a lot of sense, since he had already shot outside of the house. No one heard anything anyway, which is a little odd. Shotguns are not quiet.

And here's a bit of irony for you. Joey and Cindy used to have this big, mean dog. It wasn't mean to them, of course, but it was a scary looking dog with a mean sounding bark. Anytime we went over there, Joey or Cindy would have to come out and stand on the porch so the dog would leave you alone. A little while back, probably a month or less, there was a boy walking down the street in front of their house and the dog started running after him and barking. Cindy said the dog wouldn't listen to her to come back or anything. They were afraid it was going to end up hurting someone so they got rid of it. Of course, you can't say with any certainty how things might have been different, but I am positive there is no way that guy could have snuck up on them if that dog had still been there. That doesn't mean the outcome would have been any different, but there's a good chance it might have. And of course there are 50 million other 'what ifs'.

Oh, they picked up the guy's brother. He was arrested as an accessory. So if the guy pleads not guilty, they'll likely have his brother testify against him in exchange for a lighter sentence. His preliminary hearing is tomorrow, so we'll see what happens then. I wish he'd just plead guilty, it'd save a lot of time and money, not to mention the heartache to the families that a trial would put them through.

It's been eerie here this morning. I think this is the first day Shelby and I have been here alone since it happened, and I have to admit I'm a little scared. I've got all the doors locked (which I always do anyway - so Shelby can't sneak out), and I haven't opened any curtains or blinds and I usually do that first thing in the morning. The rational part of me knows that he's in jail and heck, we didn't even know him or him know us. But part of me is still scared. If something like that could happen here, and to close friends of mine, well, is anyone really safe? God, the phone just rang and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I hope this passes soon. I guess I should stop thinking about it, I'm getting myself more worked up. But then again, I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened. I'm scared to go to bed by myself anymore. I have to reach in and turn on a light before I go into a room at night.

Well, the funeral was today. It was hard, too. Luckily it was pretty short. They played songs that made me cry and then the service the guy gave was nice. After that, they let anyone come up for a last viewing before they closed the caskets. We went up and looked and the kids took it really hard. They both were really sobbing. I think it did them good to go. Unfortunately, we did not get to go to the burial. We went ahead of the procession because Darrell knew where the cemetary was. Only, we got lost instead and couldn't find it. Come to find out, we were very close, but of course we didn't know that until tonight and there was NO cell phone reception out there - it was very much the boonies. Gine and Danny came over tonight for a little bit, and we're all going to ride down there sometime soon, so we can visit and bring flowers. I miss them a lot. :/ I'll never understand why this happened.

That's all for today. I hope my blog hasn't been too depressing as of late, but it has really helped me to get all of it out in writing. And as bad as it may sound, it helps to know that as time goes by and I can't remember things as well, I have a fresh account written down, so I'll never completely forget.

So, here's to Joey and Cindy, who were taken too soon. Much love to you both. I miss you a lot. How I wish you were here.

Well, the viewing was today. We left at 3, and got back home at 7. I am exhausted. These things are draining anyway, and I stood the whole time. My feet and lower back are really paying for it now. We ate out tonight *again*, because it was late when we got home and everyone was hungry.

As far as the actual viewing itself, it went alright. Both Cindy and Joey looked different, but then that's true at any viewing, I think. You could see on Cindy's forehead where she had been shot - it was to the right, almost at her temple. The makeup artists can only do so much, I guess. :( They had to put her wedding ring on her chest because it wouldn't fit on her finger. Her hands were obviously swollen. Joey looked way different too, mainly because he wasn't wearing a t-shirt and he didn't have a ballcap on. It's funny how a lot of times they dress people when they die so differently from how they actually dressed when they were alive. If they'd done what Joey would have wanted, they'd have put on an old pair of jeans, t-shirt and cap, and probably put a beer and pack of cigarettes in there with him. Haha! I can see him in my head looking just like that, with that smile he always had on his face, and that slow kind of laugh. He had a slow talk too, really laid back and country. He was such a good guy.

Mackenzie followed Seana all over and mothered her. She just naturally does that to smaller kids. She did take Seana in to see Cindy and Joey for the first time. Seana had refused all day. They played for a while and then Kenzie asked her if she wanted to go in (this is what Kenzie told me). Seana asked her if they were just bones, and she told her no, that they had skin. So they held hands and went in and just looked for a while. They both touched Cindy and Joey, I guess they had to see if it was okay. Mackenzie told me later that they were freezing cold. I was glad Kenzie was there for Seana liked that - what a burden that poor little girl has in that memory. I was kind of irked by this other little girl. She was standing there while Kenzie and Seana were looking at Cindy, and she was talking about how Cindy was shot in the head and stuff. Then she started trying to say the name of the guy that did it, and Seana said "Don't talk about that!" Then the little girl started saying "Who told you to run, Seana? Who told you to run?" About that time Seana turned away to walk out, and I told Kenzie to go with her. When we all went out, Seana and Kenzie turned around and went back in without that other little girl.

The funeral is tomorrow, 10 AM.

Joey and Cindy are dead. I can't believe it, it is so unreal. Why? They never did anything to anyone. They were quiet and stayed home most of the time. It just makes no sense.

Tuesday night, May 11, at around 9 PM, Darrell and I were sitting down and had just started watching Big Fish. All of a sudden there was a huge banging on the door, and Darrell went to answer it. I heard Gina talking and I could tell something was wrong. I went to the door just in time to hear her say 'Joey and Cindy are dead and Seana's missing'. We pulled her in the house and I asked her if the police had been called. She said she didn't know, so I called 911 and told them what she'd just said. They said the sheriff was already on his way down there. I asked if they could tell me anything about what was happening, but they couldn't.

So we just all sat here and tried to figure out what was going on, and who would want to hurt Joey and Cindy and why. Darrell made brief mention of a man that Joey had talked about before that used to date Cindy's mom. He said that Joey had told him this guy had burned down a mobile home that Cindy's mom was staying in at one time, but luckily she wasn't there. Joey had told Darrell that he was concerned that this guy might come and try to start something with them, and that this guy was mean. He told Darrell that if he came down there to start trouble that Joey would kill him.

Then Gina told us again the whole story. She said at around 8:30, she told Danny that Joey had called him and so Danny called him back. They were talking, just for several minutes, when all of a sudden there was loud screaming from Seana. She said it was so loud she could hear it coming through the phone, and the dog started barking. She carried the dog inside so Danny could hear and he was trying to figure out what was happening, saying 'hello?' over and over. Then the phone went silent, but it hadn't been hung up. He came in and let Gina listen and asked her if she could hear anything. She said she heard something that sounded like a low voice, a moan or the tv or something. Danny decided to drive down there and see what had happened. When he got down there and found them dead, he called Gina and told her he didn't know what was going on, but Joey and Cindy were dead and Seana was missing. That's when the police arrived and he hung up.

Darrell left to go up to his brother's and mom and dad's houses and let them know. We didn't know who it could possibly be or if they might come down here since we're all connected. Before he went up there, he took Gina back home to get her dog and come back. While they were there, Danny called Gina back and said that Seana was at City Hall, that a neighbor had picked her up and she'd told them her mom and dad had been killed, so they took her to the police. That's how the police knew to go down there before I called them. Danny was on his way to City Hall to be with Seana, and his mother was with him. He had stopped by and picked her up before he went down there, and she is the one that found Joey, her oldest child. Seana also told them that the man who did it was Mark, her nana's ex-boyfriend. The guy Darrell had mentioned.

After that, we pretty much just sat around and talked about it and we were just all in shock. Gina left to go up to her mothers around 10, and she stayed up there until Danny got back from City Hall. Darrell and I watched tv and just sat here basically. We finally tried to lay down around 2 AM, and we slept until 3 when Gina called and said Danny was on his way home. He'd had to stay at City Hall all that time while the police talked to Seana and of course, he had to tell them what he'd seen and done. She asked us to come over, so we got up and went over. We stayed there until about 3:30, but we had to get back home because I was afraid Shelby would wake up and Mom wouldn't hear her. I slept sitting up on the couch for another couple of hours after we got back.

Darrell stayed home from work the next day (Wednesday), and Hunter stayed home from school. I gave both the kids the option to stay at home if they wanted to. They were both really upset about what had happened. They had overheard Gina telling us the story last night, so they basically knew Joey and Cindy had been shot and Seana was missing. Before they went to bed I told them Seana had been found, but I didn't tell them Joey and Cindy were dead. So when I woke them up on Wednesday, I had to tell them that Joey and Cindy were not alive. It was very upsetting to them both. They cried for a little while, and I cried with them. All day yesterday they would mention it, or they'd say they miss Joey and Cindy. Hunter said yesterday afternoon that he prayed that Joey and Cindy would be able to come back. I hate that they are having to deal with this. I hate that any of us are having to deal with this.

We now know that the guy who did it, Mark Siebenthal, shot Cindy numerous times. He was mainly after her, we think, because of her mother. Seana ran, but it's not clear if Joey told her to or if she just did because she was so scared. Joey apparently tried to get his gun, but wasn't able to. Oh, how I wish he could have. I have never felt such pure hatred for someone in my life.

Wow, what a new look! This is alright. :) I don't have much time right now, I have to leave in about 30 minutes to go pick up the kids from school. They have a dentist appointment so they get to leave early today.

I felt so awful for Hunter yesterday. His school does the Accelerated Reader program each year. It's not mandatory, so it really becomes the student's responsibility to read books and test over them and accumulate points. I didn't think Hunter would do it much this year because he's just not a big reader. Well, at the end of every school year, those kids that have got a certain amount of points, like 30 I think, get to go on a picnic at the local park for the day. Hunter told me like two weeks ago that he had enough points, that his teacher had told him he had enough to go. The picnic was yesterday, and when I went up to the park to take him some water and stuff, he wasn't there. I thought about going to check on him to make sure he was okay, but I didn't. I wish I had now, because he was VERY upset. Not only that, but he and one other boy were the only ones left in their classroom all.day.long. He was crying when he got in the car yesterday, and I just felt terrible. He said his teacher had made a mistake and he only had 17 points. :/ That kind of irritated me too, because he had about two weeks before the picnic that he could have been trying to get more points, but he thought he had enough. So I thought that was crappy. Next year I'm going to keep on him to do at least two books per week through the whole year so he'll be able to go. I hated for this to happen to him. :/

Mackenzie had a ball game last night, but about 5 minutes before it was supposed to start, it rained like, as Darrell says, a cow pissing on a flat rock. (haha!) So we basically went to the park to sit under the bleachers while it rained, then we went home. I could have cooked supper if I had known that. Tonight she has a game, but it doesn't start until 6:30. I hate this time slot, the games aren't over until around 8 or so. We'll have to eat supper before we go, but she'll have to wait for a bath until we get back, for obvious reasons. Depending on when we get back from the dentist, we may just have take-out tonight. I hope it doesn't get rained out tonight, we've got chances of those 'hit or miss' summer showers all week.

Well, I'll write more later. I've got to get a few last minute things done before I leave. And now a message from Shelby:
666 --- Ha! My little demon child.

Good gracious, it's been forever and a day since I made an entry. A whole lot has happened since I last posted. My pregnancy is going along quite smoothly. I am now 22 weeks pregnant, almost to the start of my third trimester! Woah, how did that happen? School is nearly out for the year, the kids have 8 days left. Time is really flying by.

Today is Mother's Day. It started out good enough. I'd got up at 5 AM on both Friday and Saturday, and then stayed up until 10 or later each night, so I was pretty exhausted last night. I need much more sleep than that on a good day, and when I'm not pregnant. This morning I planned to sleep in, but don't ya know I woke up at 8:30. Bah. I wanted to sleep until 10 or so. So, anyway. Kenzie brought me in a pair of earrings that she had bought me. We're broke, so I know I didn't get anything from Darrell. Oh well, nothing new I guess. The kids and Darrell then fixed me breakfast - scrambled eggs, toast, and milk - and I ate that. I got up and read online while I ate my breakfast.

To kind of veer off topic for a moment - we bought another trailer. It belonged to two old women down the road. They lost the land it was sitting on and had to move it. Well, they only moved it up the road, right across the street from our house, and there it's been sitting for the better part of a year. We recently contacted them about buying it, and we finally agreed on a price and paid them yesterday. It needs a few very minor things fixed (like the bathroom floor needs replaced), and then more cosmetic stuff - paint, new carpet, new vinyl, etc. We are going to let my mom live there while she needs to. When she moves, whenever that may be, we'll decide what to do with it then. (ie. rent it out, sell it)

So this morning, first thing after breakfast, everyone dashes off over there to do cleaning, tearing up carpets, etc. Here I am sitting in a quite filthy house that I did NOT make this way alone, thinking to myself that something is wrong with this picture. I told the kids it was time to start cleaning (they were still here watching cartoons), and they both jumped up and said 'Oh, we're supposed to be helping Granny' and ran off. So here I am in the house, alone, the very dirty house, cleaning it by myself. I was pretty pissed off about it - it IS Mother's Day, after all. Can't they at least help me clean the damn house? - and I've been pretty hormonal the past couple of days. So, I started bawling. I was cleaning while I was crying. Heh. Then Hunter comes in and asks me if I need help. No doubt, made to come in by Darrell. I told him no, and to go back outside. By then, I really didn't want anyone to be in here with me. I went to close my bedroom door - I was cleaning it first - and my mom saw me crying. She of course had to come to my door and ask me if I was okay. I told her to leave me alone and she went outside. Then a little bit later, Darrell came in asking me what was wrong. I said nothing, haha. I am just the type of person that when I am upset and in the moment, I don't want to talk. I want to be left alone until I'm over it, and then if I need to talk, I will. So he went back outside and I kept cleaning. Then before I knew it, Mom and Darrell had both come inside and started cleaning. So, apparently they figured out why I was pissed off. But then I had to fight feeling guilty - essentially throwing a tantrum so they'd help. Heh. But I didn't want them to come in and help because I got mad. I wanted help to begin with because I'm not the maid around here, and I don't live here alone - therefore the mess is not mine alone. And I had hoped people would want to help me to take a load off since it IS Mother's Day.

Or maybe I'm just a big whiny baby. Who knows.

Darrell kills me. He cannot stand up to his family for anything. I guess he's just conditioned not to, he's put up with shit from them his whole life. He took in a job at the shop the other day; he actually had two jobs lined up: a transmission replacement and an overhaul. The labor on the first was $1700 and the labor on the second was a little less, but still over $1000. He'd get 60% of each of those amounts. He got the transmission almost out on the first day, before lunch even. He was going to set it out when he got back and then start on the overhaul while he waited for parts. We get back to the shop after lunch that day and what happened? Danny (his brother) had already taken the overhaul job inside and started on it! WTF?? We really needed that money, and aside from that, it was Darrell's job to do. Danny was even already working on something (not waiting on parts but actively working on it), and he pulled it outside to start on the overhaul.

Darrell was highly pissed but of course he didn't say anything! He lets Danny get away with shit like this all the damn time. He lets Danny tell him what job to start on, etc. when there is no 'boss' at the shop, everyone is technically working for themself. There's more, but I don't feel like typing it all out. Darrell was complaining about it again today and I just told him 'He's going to treat you like that as long as you let him'. I think, and I've told him this, that Danny would completely back down if Darrell told him what's what. I've seen people like that, Danny talks big when the person he's talking about isn't around to hear it. He NEVER says anything to people's faces, he won't confront. (on a related note, Darrell's whole family is like that, actually) I told Darrell if he would just tell Danny to lay off and STFU, he'd stop with the bullshit. But in the end, it's Darrell's decision, he'll have to take all he can take and then go off. He's been putting up with this same bullshit since his dad started the business in 1991, so I don't know if I see that happening anytime soon. :/

Ah, Monday again. Except today the kids aren't in school. It's President's Day, ya know, and kids need to be home to celebrate the presidents? Hee. Oh well, I didn't have to get up early this morning, so I'm okay. Hunter went back to work with Darrell after lunch, and Shelby's napping now, so all is quiet. We'll see how long that lasts, of course. :)

We actually got snow yesterday. Crazy, huh? I heard it sleeting around 2 AM Saturday night - Sunday morning, but it sounded like it changed to rain. We woke up on Sunday and I thought I still heard rain. We looked out the window and there was a good inch of snow. It just kept coming like crazy, and we ended up with about 6" total before lunch. Hunter and Mackenzie went out to play in it several times, they loved it. Darrell and I took Shelby out around 10, it was still snowing pretty hard. She had a hard time walking around in it. She was wearing snow boots that she'd never worn before (thanks, Chris!), and the snow was pretty deep for someone her size. It was very wet and heavy too. A lot of it is still out there today. I wonder if there will be school tomorrow. Most of the main roads are pretty clear, but the backroads may not be. If a certain number of kids can't get to school because of bad roads, they just call school off completely. Or if the buses can't get around safely. I'll check the news website later.

I hope they go, because I have a Dr. appointment tomorrow. My OB's office called and asked if I could come in at 9:30 instead of 1:00. Which is great, actually. I can pick the kids up from school (if they go) instead of my Mom having to do it, and I won't have to cut Darrell's lunch short to get there in time. My friend Chastity is going to ride up there with me. I'm glad, I don't know where this place is, and I don't want to get lost by myself. LOL I'm glad to be starting my OB visits. It seems like forever ago that I found out about the pregnancy. It's been 3 weeks, but seems like much longer. At the end of next week, I'll be entering my second trimester. Amazing.

In the next few weeks, I have to get the kids some summer clothes on layaway. I'm also going to hit some of the secondhand stores and see what they have that's in good shape. They'll all need new tennis shoes and new sandals, which I don't buy used. I need to have Hunter try on the shorts from last summer and see if he can wear any of them. I think he's ready for a size 10, and all those shorts are 8s. Mackenzie will still fit into her stuff, I'll just have to see how much she has and what she still needs. Shelby has nothing for summer, so we're starting from scratch with her. I can get lots of the Garanimals shirts and shorts sets for $2.88 each piece. Add in a few pairs of jean shorts and she'll be fine. After I get those clothes bought, I'm going to start layaway-ing baby things. Things that I can buy far in advance like some diapers, sleepers, onesies, socks, towels/washcloths etc. The crib I want is $128 at Wal-Mart, it converts to a toddler bed and has the trundle underneath. Very cute. I'll probably look at consignment shops and yard sales this summer for things like swing, bouncy seat, etc. I don't mind buying some things used, as long as they're in good shape. I've got to make a list of everything we've got to have, and put the less urgent stuff on the end. Some things we can't do without, like a crib, carseat, diapers, etc. Things like a highchair we won't use right away anyway, so I'll buy them last.

Well, I have had one hell of a time the past week. Hunter did indeed come down with what the girls had, only worse. My UTI got extremely worse until I went to the Dr. Then Shelby got "re" sick, puking all night, then came my turn. I am still recovering from being sick yesterday. I will never be so glad to see winter go. We never get sick like this, and it sucks ass in a big way.

I never could get ahold of my previous OB, so I ended up calling a new one. I have an appointment on Tuesday (the 17th). I'm looking forward to getting my visits started. I am almost 11 weeks pregnant now, so almost finished with my first trimester. Amazing how fast it goes. I've started making a list of things we need so I can start buying them. I've also got to get started van shopping. I need to ask Darrell what he wants to do. He said he wanted me to handle that stuff, but I don't know if he wants to get a new van, or a nice used one. It doesn't matter to me, but I do have some requirements. #1, the seats have to have headrests, all of them. Hunter is almost out of his booster, and he'll need a headrest. Also, the kids can both just use their seats without the backs if we had headrests. #2, I want both sides to have doors. The sliding doors, I mean. #3, the seatbelts must lock. This is somewhat negotiable, since both the FPSE and the Marathon I'm buying Shelby have built-in lockoffs, so I won't have to use locking clips. On the other hand, the infant seat I'm planning on (Graco Snugride) will not have lock-offs, and locking clips are a huge pain in the ass. I'd also like to be able to lock the seatbelt on Mackenzie, so she can't lean all over the place.

My house is a wreck again. I got it all clean on Monday, bathrooms, laundry caught up, etc. etc. On Tuesday I vacuumed and mopped the kitchen floor. Wednesday I didn't have much to do aside from a load of laundry. Then I was sick yesterday and the house went to hell. If I don't keep up on the house every single day, it just goes poof. This weekend I hope it's nice, so I can open the windows and air out the place. I'm going to wash all the bedding, and Lysol every surface. These germs are going down! LOL

I've been considering buying some stuff wholesale and opening an eBay store. I'm not totally sure on this yet, it's just a thought that's come into my mind. I know a girl that did this, so I'm going to talk to her and see how hard it is, what kind of profit there is, etc. I want to make sure it's worth my time and investment before I begin. I'm going to try to hit some yard sales this spring and summer and buy things to resell on eBay. I was going to do that last year and I just never got around to it. Brand name children's clothes sell pretty well. I would really like to open a junk store. Those are really popular in my area. They are essentially a yard sale in a store. We used to have a lot of them in town, but now we don't have many. I'd love to own one, maybe one day...

I'm depressed. I've got a UTI, which sucks all by itself. On top of that I feel crappy all the time. I am barely keeping up with my housework, no scratch that, I'm not keeping up with my housework. The house is a disaster, and everytime I get a burst of energy to do something, it doesn't last long enough for me to get it all done. The kids are sick, Hunter's coming down with what the girls have and Darrell's been puny all week too. He's got a toothache, but of course we don't have the money for him to go to the dentist. We have so much to do and buy before the baby's born, and it just seems impossible. We have to get a bigger vehicle, we have to get a bigger house. I have all the baby stuff to re-buy. The kids and Darrell and I are all going to need summer clothes soon. We usually buy them with the income tax returns, but since we have to pay in this year that's not possible. I've been having some slight spotting today, I believe it's due to the UTI though. I just feel like all this stuff is on us now, even though rationally I know it's not and we do have time. But I just feel like crawling into bed and having a good cry. I can't though, because anytime I complain about household stuff I hurt Darrell's feelings. He thinks I'm putting down his ability to provide for us, etc. Or at least I think that's how he feels.

I'm gonna go take a shower.

Holy cow! It's been almost two weeks since I've blogged. Well, a lot has went on since I last wrote. Mackenzie's stomach pain seems to be in check since starting the meds. I get to take her off the meds on Monday and see how she does. We hope it was just a temporary imbalance in her stomach. I'd hate for her to be on medicine full-time, but that's what we'll do if need be.

Last Monday, the 26th, I found out I am pregnant. Surprise, surprise! So that's why I couldn't stay awake much, and that's why I've felt like I was gonna puke everyday for the past two weeks. LOL It sure explains a lot. I decided to take a test just to rule it out, I honestly didn't think it would be positive. I got my little digital timer, peed on the stick, then set the timer for 3 minutes and put it on top of the test window. I think I just knew at that point, because I've never been nervous to look at the tests except when I knew they'd be positive. When I finally got up the courage to take the timer away and saw two lines, I literally couldn't breathe for a minute. I was freaking out. I called Darrell and told him, he took it all in stride. He's always steady when I'm freaking out. :)

So, I figure I'm due on September 5th. I've got a preliminary appointment on Tuesday, the 3rd. They'll do a test to verify the pregnancy, etc., then I'll have to call and make my first 'real' appointment. I've decided to use the same Dr. that I used with Hunter, Mackenzie, and Shelby. Darrell and I both like him, and he knows all of my history. I was shocked when I was pregnant with Shelby, and we were discussing birth weights, that he could recall the ballpark weights of Hunter and Mackenzie! He is a very busy doctor, he sees LOTS of people, I couldn't believe he remembered that. Of course he could have checked it beforehand, too. LOL

My "estranged" sister actually called me yesterday. I had just called my SIL to ask her something, so when the phone rang I thought it was her and answered without checking the caller ID. I had to sit for a minute before I realized it was my sister. She had called my Mom and Sara had told her about the pregnancy, so she called to congratulate me. It was awkward, and we talked for only a few minutes. :/

My BIL is a jerk-off. This is my oldest sister Stacey's husband. He's very into the 'husband is the head of the household, what he says goes' mindset, although he doesn't treat my sister with the respect that is supposed to go along with that life. She's more submissive, as in fixing his plate at dinner, even before she fixes the kids'. I've seen her fix his plate, then fix the kids', then him already be finished and want more, and her fix him more all before she can fix her own plate and eat. If the kids want company or want to go somewhere, they have to ask Dad, Mom doesn't make any of those decisions on her own. They see us as deviants, they probably think we are unfit to raise kids. LOL We aren't religious, we don't go to church, we don't pray, heck I don't even know that I believe in God. We swear, we let the kids watch 'objectionable' materials, Darrell drinks on occasion, used to be more often before he started his meds. They never come to visit, but I remember once they were over and the BIL actually had the nerve to ask me, when I offered something to drink, if we had anything besides beer in the house.

So, they don't let their kids stay over here with my kids because of that. Of course, they don't outright say it that way, but I know. My nephew Brandon is 10. He called today and asked if he could stay the night with Hunter. I said it was OK. He had to hang up and call his dad and ask him. He called back a few minutes later and said his dad said no. Then he wanted to know if he could come over while my sister goes to the store tomorrow. I said sure. Somehow I ended up inviting all three of her kids over to play while she shops. And she is not known for her speediness. :/ I just hope it's warm tomorrow so I can send them all outside. I guess I'm good enough to babysit, huh?

I was telling Darrell about it and he said it would get on his nerves if I sent the kids to him to ask him every little thing. I am perfectly capable of making decisions like that on my own. When the kids do ask if they can spend the night somewhere or if someone can stay with them, I just give them the answer, I don't even confer with Darrell. He's fine with whatever decision I make.

I guess that's all I'll bore you with for now. :) Maybe I can keep this thing updated better from now on. It just always seems to get pushed to the bottom of the list. Plus, I've felt like shit with morning sickness lately.

I keep thinking it's Sunday. That's why I hate Monday holidays. I'll be screwed up for the rest of the week now.

I had a boring weekend. We went to Columbia on Saturday to pick something up at Wal-Mart. Our WM sucks ass, so we had to drive all the way up there. I bought me a digital scale while we were at it. It's pretty nifty. I was weighing everybody when we got back home. Hee!

Yesterday I was being so lazy. I could not muster up the energy to clean or anything. I kept falling asleep just sitting on the couch watching tv. Weird. It must be a sign to get my ass off the computer at night and go to bed. Shelby has recently stopped sleeping in so well. She's been getting up with me at 6 everyday, which is fine on the weekdays, but she's doing it on the weekends too. Wah! Just when Hunter and Kenzie start sleeping in later, Shelby wants to get up at the buttcrack of dawn.

I had to take Kenzie to the Dr. today for her stomach pains. I got up early (thanks to Shelby), and got both bathrooms cleaned before I had to call the ped's office and make the appointment. They made it for 9:40, and it was 8:30 when I called, so we had to leave within 15 minutes. I hadn't even ate breakfast at that point. We left at about 10 til 9 and made it with 5 minutes to spare. But anyway. Before I left, I asked Darrell to do a few things for me. Nothing difficult:

-dust the living room
-when the washer finished, put the clothes in the dryer
-take something out of the fridge to thaw for supper
-put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher and run it

That was it. I figured when I got home, I could finish laundry (folding), mop and vacuum. Oh, he also had to put Shelby down for a nap, not hard. I get back at 10 after noon. The kitchen counters were clear of dishes, but had not been wiped down. My fault, I should know that when I said load the dishwasher, that didn't mean wipe down the counters. Duh. I asked if Shelby had napped, and he said yes, she'd just woke up. Then he told me that he didn't put the clothes in the dryer, because Shelby was asleep. I run the dryer with her asleep all the time, I just make sure to catch it before it buzzes. THAT will wake her up.

So, I put the clothes in the dryer, and ask if he dusted the living room. 'No', he says. So I said 'What DID you do? Run the dishwasher and put out some hamburger meat?' Then he actually said, out loud!, 'You don't give a person enough time.' What? I actually started laughing, because it was so absurd. I said 'I was gone for three and a half hours!' These were not mammoth tasks, all of them combined shouldn't have taken more than a half hour, and that's being generous. I told him I could have asked him to fold all the laundry (3 baskets, plus one in the dryer and the previously mentioned one in the washer), vacuum and mop, in addition to the other things. At least Hunter got his room cleaned while I was gone like I asked him to.

The consensus on Mackenzie seems to be acid reflux. She's taking Tagamet for a month as a trial thing. If it helps, great; if not, we're back to square one. They did have her give a urine specimen, and do a strep culture, both of which were negative. (Although I don't know what they tested the urine for) She hates the medicine, she said it smells like vinegar. LOL It's not that bad, but if it doesn't taste like candy then it's yucky. She's on two doses a day. I gave her the first two today, and her belly was still bothering her this evening. I wish I had thought to ask how long before I would see results, provided this medicine does the trick. I'm not going to make her suffer for a month if this doesn't work, but I don't want to go running back up there before it's had a chance to do anything. I guess I could call tomorrow and ask.

Don't you hate stupid song lyrics? There are many, many song lyrics that make absolutely no sense out lately. And inaccurate song lyrics bugs me even more. There is a song that Hunter likes called " 'Cuz the chicks dig it", it's a country song. The first line of the chorus says 'scars heal'. What? A scar is a scar, man, it doesn't heal. And since it's in the chorus, I have to hear it multiple times when Hunter listens to the song. Darrell says he used the word because it flowed well with the music, syllable wise, ya know. Well, I say 'wounds' is also one syllable, would have worked just as well, and is correct, because wounds do in fact heal.

Since I'm handing out my gripes, don't you hate it when people have to one up you with their health complaints? Darrell is the world's worst. I cannot mention that I have a headache, my legs are sore, my belly hurts, back hurts, or anything hurts or is sore without him telling me about his aches and pains. Maybe he thinks he's just commiserating, but it's highly annoying. I've taken to just not complaining about my minor aches and pains because I have to hear about his in return. You know, when I say 'God, my head hurts', I'm not really looking for you to say anything, maybe just a little 'that sucks' or something. I don't need to then know that your back hurts and has hurt for a week now, along with the toothache and the giant hole in your skull. Why do you feel the need to outdo my aches and pains?

I looked through the clothes I have put up this morning. I thought there was a lot more clothes put up for Shelby than I found. There is only one of those bigger Rubbermaid containers in there, and it's filled 3/4 of the way with Hunter's summer stuff from last year, Kenzie's summer stuff from last year, and some stuff that's still too big for Mackenzie. I separated all the clothes into piles according to size. I only had like 4 items that are 2T, a few sweatshirts and one outfit that are size 3, then only about two or three things each in sizes 4 and 5. I know I was given a whole bunch more clothes than that. I don't know where I might have put them. I thought there was still some winter 2T things that Shelby could probably fit into now.

If anything is in the shed it won't be found until spring though. We're going to clear out the shed, build better shelving units in there and use it purely for storage. Darrell has his big shed where he keeps the mower, 4-wheelers, and all his tools. The small shed is just full of junk. I do keep some of my Christmas decorations out there, but it's just two containers. The tree, all the tree decorations, and all of my indoor decorations are in the closet inside. I could save so much room if I could store all of that out in the shed, along with the seasonal clothes for the kids.

I am dreading the spring clean-up though. Our yard looks like a typical hillbilly family's at the moment. LOL There are two, yes two couches sitting out by my driveway that need to be hauled off. On the side of Darrell's big shed is just a bunch of garbage, things he's set out there. Behind the shed is old lawnmowers, stripped of course, old motorcycles, all the old bicycles the kids have ever owned, plus our skeletons of two raised beds from our attempt at a vegetable garden last year. And how can I forget the shells of the truck Darrell bought last spring that ended up being a lemon, and the van he also bought when trying to fix the truck. Maybe I should just embrace my hillbillyness and make flowerbeds out of them. We are picking the first warm day and borrowing Richard's truck and cleaning all of that up. Oh, who am I kidding. It'll take at least a weekend, if not two or three weekends. Especially with the dump only being open half days on Saturday and closed on Sunday.

Ah, Monday. We had a pretty uneventful weekend. On Saturday morning, we had to go over to my Mom's and do something to her computer. Darrell had worked on it and fixed it a few days before, but there was a problem. We were there an hour, during which time Molly managed to get mud on Darrell and Mackenzie, and Shelby found an old coke can and dumped the contents on herself. Molly is the dog, btw. A huge golden retriever that they have inside. So we came home and let them change clothes, then headed to Columbia. I wanted to look at Hobby Lobby and see how their scrapbooking selection is. Very good, as it turns out. I've requested scrapbooking supplies for our anniversary. :)

After that, we went to two pet shops and found nothing, then to a dollar store. I got some sets for the computer, you can do iron on transfers for shirts, magnets, mousepads, and even a shrinky-dink type of set, all for $1 each. Then we went by Lowe's and got some stuff for the fish tank, or stuff to make something for the fish tank, I should say.

We got home at 10 minutes to 4, having to be at Rebecca's birthday party at 4. Ugh. So we unloaded stuff, changed diaper, then left again. The kids had a good time at the party, they love playing with their cousins anyway.

Sunday I cleaned all day, per usual. I had to go to the grocery store too, since I didn't get to go on Saturday. We didn't need much this week, though.

Weigh in was this morning, I haven't lost or gained since last Wednesday. I am sure that no loss can be directly attributed to my two day slip last week. I am very glad there was no gain though. I've got to get more exercise and more water in this week. Maybe it'll warm up enough for Shelby and I to hit the park everyday this week. I need to check the forecast.

Must go for now. Shelby's up from her nap, and I have to vacuum and fold two loads of clothes.

I'm boring this week, there's really nothing going on. The kids are back in school and everything is back to normal, just doing the same old stuff. I've been doing better about keeping up on the housework this week. Of course that can fall apart at a moment's notice. Heh. No big plans for the weekend. I've got to try to get the Christmas lights taken down and put away. I still have green garland hanging on my fence, and a concrete snowman out there. LOL

My neice's birthday party is tomorrow evening. It's from 4-6 PM. I hate evening time parties. It's gonna screw up dinner. I don't know why my sister thinks she has to have a party for each one of her kids every single year. Hell, Hunter and Mackenzie haven't had parties since they were 1 & 2 years old. We do a birthday dinner, cake and presents, but no huge get together with decorations and company. Speaking of birthdays, their birthdays are coming up fairly soon. Mackenzie's and Shelby's in a month and a half. I don't know what we're doing for them yet. Kenzie wants a party, but I don't know. I wanted to redo her room and have it finished by her birthday, but we've ran into some unexpected mold problems, and we're going to have to replace all the walls in her room, which adds expense. I don't think it'll be even started by her birthday, because the wall has to be done first, and it costs the most. She said something about Rapunzel Barbie, so maybe we'll just get her a couple of more Barbie things to go with the dollhouse and things she got at Christmas.

Shelby, I think, is getting one of those battery operated driveable cars. Nothing fancy, just something she can play with outside as it warms up. They have the one seater models at Wal-Mart for around $100, and one seat is all she needs, otherwise Hunter and Mackenzie will be trying to ride. We wanted to get her one for the summertime anyway, so we can kill two birds with one stone here.

Hunter's birthday is a month after the girls', and he's getting a new bike. He's had his current bike for 2 years, and he's extremely rough on it. He wanted a new one for Christmas, but we decided to do his birthday instead since it's closer to summer and warm weather.

Wow, it has been a few days since I updated, huh? I didn't realize it'd been that long..

So. . . what's new. Hm, I've been doing really good on my eating, mostly. I've went overboard a few times, and last night pretty badly. I paid for it this morning though, my stomach hurt like the dickens. I didn't feel like eating breakfast then, but I made myself have a small bowl of cereal. I don't want to start skipping breakfast again. I bought me some Special K with berries at the store today, much better than Froot Loops. Ha!

The kids went back to school today. They had a pretty good day, it was fairly easy to get back into the routine again. I figured it'd be harder. I got up at 5:45 this morning with no trouble, the kids got up easily. They were ready to go 20 minutes before time, so they watched Between the Lions on PBS until we left.

This week is pretty boring. Maybe it'll get exciting tomorrow. Sorry to all my readers. Hahaha!

btw, did anybody notice I posted my last entry at 19 seconds after midnight? LOL

I am SO tired today. I have been busy, busy, busy! It all started last week. Darrell woke me up in the middle of the night chasing a mouse around. It woke him up chewing on a water box that was at the back door to be took off. So we set out some traps and things, but didn't catch anything. On NYE, after we went to bed, we could hear one chewing in the kitchen. The next morning we get up and there is water in the kitchen floor in front of the dishwasher. I thought my dishwasher was broke. Darrell started pulling everything out from under the sink (dishwasher is next to the sink), and finally found that the little flexible tube that he has a reverse osmosis filter hooked to for the fish tank, has been chewed into, and there's our water.

So we decide we are going to deep clean the house, declutter, and get rid of these mice. Darrell set some traps and put them under the sink. He had turned on the RO machine at around lunch. After we got back from the grocery store he checked it and it hadn't filled up. He followed the line back and the mice had chewed into the tubing behind the tv too. So for about 4 hours, water was dripping onto my carpet behind the tv. Ugh! Darrell moved the tv stand (it had been catty corner in that area), and there was mouse shit everywhere. NASTY! They had chewed into some of the tv cords, and Darrell's playstation 2 controllers (he was pissed about that! they are so expensive).

This is the grossest fucking thing ever. Last night, we were getting ready for bed, and we heard one of the traps snap. Darrell went into the kitchen and it had caught a mouse by it's back leg. It ran back down into the hole it came out of with the trap still on it's leg. Darrell ended up having to pull out the kick board stuff that's under the cabinet, trying to find it. He finally found the trap, but the mouse had got away. There was blood on the trap, so it is injured at least. When we got up this morning, there was a mouse caught in a trap, but it wasn't the hurt one, so it's still loose. Maybe it went somewhere and died from the injury. Doubtful, nasty little bastards. So my cabinet is still empty tonight, we have glue traps and regular traps all around, and poison. We really want rid of the nasty little rodents.

So that's why I've been cleaning all day. I've been cleaning out all the closets, toyboxes, cabinets, top of the fridge, under sinks, etc. etc. I want to rid the house of any and all possible bedding spots for mice. I found a bunch of Froot Loops in the bottom of Shelby's toybox today. No wonder we have mice, heck, we've laid out a buffet for them apparently.

Mom came and got Hunter and Mackenzie yesterday. She called and asked if she could come get them for a while. They left around 2:30 or 3. Darrell, Shelby, and I went grocery shopping together, then when we got back Mom called and asked if they could just spend the night. She and Sara came down here and got their clothes and toothbrushes. Then we had Subway for supper. I had a full card, so I got a free 6" with the purchase of a drink. It was yummy too. Ham on wheat bread, with cheese, lettuce, tomato, pickle, and mustard. I prefer mayo on my ham and cheese, but I'm trying to watch what I eat. I REALLY prefer Subway's pizza subs, but I knew that was out of the question, TOO many calories. I picked from their 6 subs with 6 grams of fat thing.

Mom told me she didn't know when she'd bring the kids back today, then she called around 4 and asked if they could just spend the night again. She washed their clothes from yesterday, so they could wear them again tomorrow. I said okay, it's easier for me to get all this stuff done without having to fix 3 lunches, referee fights, and just have them generally underfoot. I miss them though. I got Shelby to sleep at about 8:30 this evening, and then the house was so quiet. I'm definitely not used to that! :)

New Year's Eve. Sitting at home like it's just another night. I remember when me and my girlfriends would spend hours getting ready: showering, shaving, putting on smelly stuff, make-up just right, hair just so. Because NYE is not just any old party night, ya know. Hee! Now I make Jell-O and buy gummi bears for my kids, make hot dogs and french fries for supper, let them stay up 'til midnight watching hours of tv, and drink one lonely little cooler drink at 11:30, which I am almost ashamed to say is making me feel a little tipsy. I am such a lightweight anymore. In my defense, I have been pregnant or breastfeeding since June 2001, and didn't really drink before then either. I think the last time I got drunk was 1995. Ha!

My healthy life begins tomorrow. I'm pretty psyched about it. I've got to go to the bank Friday and deposit some money to pay for my Weight Watchers subscription. I wish I could wait to grocery shop until I join and can get some recipes for next week, but I have to do the shopping tomorrow. I don't have enough food to last through Saturday. I'll just have to plan some meals and wing it, and hope for the best.

I told Hunter and Mackenzie they could stay up until midnight tonight, never thinking they'd last, but they're both in there in the living room still watching tv. After midnight (in 5 minutes!), I'm going to make them get to sleep. They are gonna be so tired tomorrow. I hope they're not cranky.

Hunter has major sucky attitude lately. He's just getting to be a little shit. I've been letting him slide on too many things I think. I told him (and Mackenzie too, although I haven't had any trouble from her lately) that I am tightening the belts on them. I am not putting up with this back-talking attitude. He reminds me of a teenager, and he's not even 8 yet!!

Must go, it's almost midnight. I don't want to be typing when the new year comes in. Happy 2004!!