Whew! We've been busy these past few days. On Saturday morning, Kenzie had a game (one of only two Saturday games. I hate weekend games). Then Saturday afternoon, we all went to Columbia and saw Shrek 2. It was really good, we all liked it and had fun. It was expensive though. Including our lunch at Burger King, admission at the movies, and snacks, we spent around $65. Yikes! Which is why we don't do that very often at all. Heh.

My arm is very nearly killing me. It hurts so bad. It started hurting several days ago, maybe a week, I really don't remember exactly. I thought I had slept on it wrong and it would work itself out. It hurt that day, and a little that night, but seemed better by the next morning. It would still hurt if I moved it certain ways, but it wasn't bad. Then yesterday it started hurting again, all the way down my elbow into my wrist. Today it hurts just in my upper arm, but I can barely use my arm today. It hurts pretty badly just to lift my arm up. I can move it backwards with no problem, but if I try to lift it up to the side or forward, no can do. I basically can't move my upper arm (from the elbow up) away from my body without pain. I'm going to go to the doctor in the morning and see if I can't get this fixed. I can't deal with having just one hand. I look so funny too, I'm sure. I have to use my right hand to raise my left arm up if I need it up. I should probably be leaving it alone, but I can't use one hand to wash my hair or pull it up in a ponytail, or the other hundreds of things I do everyday. Darrell tried to get me to go to the doctor today, but I put it off. I really needed to get the house cleaned, and I'm afraid he's going to put me on restriction with what I can do with my arm. :-/

I need to get to bed. I am so drained, I really need my sleep right now. I wish my life would slow down for a little bit. I can't keep up! ;)

Woohoo - new template! :) Redoing all the links and stuff is a pain in the ass, though. Heh.

My mother is really getting on Darrell's and my nerves. I am such a wuss, I feel bad about feeling irritated with her. I've got to get this shit under control. I wonder if there is any self-help books on how to stop feeling guilty. Heh. Darrell has just about had it, he's about ready to tell her she can't stay here any longer. She's just really different than she used to be. I guess I remember when I lived at home, how she kept things clean - she was really anal about it, like I am. Heh. Since she's been staying with us though, she's just gotten more and more lazy. I do not mind picking up after my kids and my husband, to a certain extent. Of course, I'm not their maid and they don't treat me like one, but I do the basic cleanup as far as mopping, bathrooms, laundry, cooking, etc. And I'm fine with that. Darrell and I have more traditional roles within our marriage, and that works for us. But, I would expect that Mom -- staying with us for an indefinite amount of time -- would pitch in more and help out.

We are feeling like we are being taken advantage of. She's working with Richard's mother, for five freaking dollars an hour. Hell, she could work a minimum wage job and make more than that! I think that she's continuing to work with her so that she can keep tabs on what Richard is doing. I think if they talked, she'd be right back with him. And to be honest, I kinda wish that would happen, just so she'd be gone. We bought a mobile home that needed a little work. We didn't buy it FOR her, but we told her she could stay there. She's completely went in and took it over, like it belongs to her. She wants to pay back the money that we paid for it, and it be hers. We are absolutely NOT interested in doing that. For one thing, we got it for a steal, and if we sold it we'd want to make money on it. Secondly, it's really in better condition than our home is in, as far as floors and walls and stuff goes, and we'd actually like to build some rooms on and move into it ourselves. The only reason we offered to let her stay there instead is because she needed a place to live, and that place only has two bedrooms at the moment. Since we bought it she's really changed though. She's over there all the time, she's not helping me do any of the housework, laundry, cleaning up after supper, cooking, etc. She started cleaning on it and moving stuff into it before we even had blocks under it. Darrell just got it re-plumbed last week (it had to have all new pipes throughout). It doesn't have permanent electricity, hell - it doesn't even have septic in it yet! We have bills to pay here and things to do here, and we can't afford to do it all in one whack. And yet, she's staying over there already these past few days. She's waiting until midnight to come over here and get her something to eat, take a shower, use the bathroom, etc. She woke me up two nights ago in the kitchen, and Darrell said last night she scared the shit out of him, coming in at midnight. How irritating is that?

Then tonight, Richard's daughter Chasity called and asked for Mom. I had Hunter take the phone over there to her, and next thing I know she's back asking me if she can use my car. She needs to go to *another town* to pick Chasity up, because she went over there to a graduation and didn't have any way back home. It would not surprise me in the least to find out that Chasity went over there knowing she didn't have a way back and planned to call Mom and sucker her into coming and getting her all along. She *knows* mom doesn't have a car, that it'd be my car she'd use, but she didn't even mention it to me when I answered the phone. I should have said no, she couldn't use my car, but I'm a sucker too, I guess. Darrell is really pissed off about it, especially with gas prices the way they are lately. He told me not to let her use the car for anything like that again, which I can't blame him. I really feel the same way, I guess I was just caught off guard.

So, this will probably be the end of a good relationship with my Mom. I told Darrell tonight that I have been really surprised by how this has been going. I certainly did not expect for things to go this way. I guess she's just changed and not living with her, I haven't noticed it as clearly. Oh, this isn't going to be pretty. :-/

One more day of school left. I'll be glad to get out of the 'rise at 6 AM' routine everyday. I hate getting up so early. But on the other hand, it's hard keeping these kids entertained for nearly 3 full months. This summer is going to be so miserable too. I've never been pregnant in the summertime. :) I have an OB appointment next week, the 24th. I was supposed to go on the 14th, but I cancelled it since we had that viewing to go to. They rescheduled me for yesterday at 12:30, but I'm stupid and didn't even think about having to be here to pick up the kids from school. So I called yesterday and cancelled that one, and they put me to Monday, the 24th. I guess all my appointments will be put on Monday now. I liked the Friday appointments. Then the kids have to go to the dentist on Tuesday for some minor work. Hunter has one cavity and Mackenzie has two "dots" of cavity that they have to have fixed. I think we're just going to mostly relax for the first couple of weeks of summer vacation, not worrying about scheduling things or anything. I need to catch up on my sleep.

The preliminary hearing was today. Of course the fucker pleaded not guilty. He couldn't have the decency to not put everyone through a trial. I guess when you kill two people in cold blood, their families' and friends' suffering is not really top priority in your mind, though. I don't know what the next step is. I watched the news today but they didn't have anything about it. The Nashville stations were only interested in the sensationalism of the first few days. Now that all the boring court stuff is starting, they don't want to report on it. There should be something in the newspaper tomorrow, it's still HUGE news around here.

Well, not much to write today and I need to go get Shelby a bath. She's very cranky, she didn't have a real good nap today. And Darrell wants me to watch a movie with him. We're just taking it easy tonight, trying not to think about this time last week. I can't believe it's been a week already. In some ways it's like 'it's ONLY been a week?' and then it also feels like 'it's ALREADY been a week?'

Monday. Back to the grind for everybody. The kids only have three days of school left until summer vacation, though. I'm looking forward to the break, and dreading it too. The fighting between the kids is what I dread. I've got to keep us busy this summer. We can't do much running around though, not with gas prices so crazily expensive. We'll stick close to home I guess, play in the creek, take picnics, etc. The kids' cooking class that we usually go to isn't going to be going on this summer. The office that that program was through was cut, budget problems. We'll still have library story hour, anyway, I guess.

Well, we found out from the CSI people pretty much what happened. I guess this is as much as we'll ever know. There were some things I was wondering about that this explanation answered for me. For instance, I had wondered if the guy had pulled up in the driveway or what. I figured that was unlikely, because Joey wouldn't have just sat there and not seen who was at his house. Nor did he mention to Danny that someone was there. So I figured he snuck up. It turns out, his brother drove him over there, knowing what he was planning on doing. He dropped him off either down the road, or at another road that is close to Joey and Cindy's house if you go through the woods.

Apparently Cindy was out on the backporch, and he walked up around the side of the house and shot her in the side (I think the left side). This was when Danny heard Seana screaming and Joey dropped the phone to see what was going on. They think Joey was pulling Cindy in the house and trying to figure out what was going on when he was shot in the arm. He was shot in his left arm, between the hand and the elbow. His arm was just shredded, they said. This was probably the point when Joey ran back to the bedroom to get his gun, and the guy came on in the house, followed him to the bedroom and shot him in the back. Joey had his hand on his gun when he was found. He was so close. Evidently after that, he went back to the kitchen and shot Cindy in the head. I don't know when Seana ran out of the house, probably after Joey was shot, because up to that point he didn't even know what was happening. So either he or Cindy probably told Seana to run right after Joey got shot in the arm. Also, at some point, the guy turned the television up extremely loud. Which doesn't make a lot of sense, since he had already shot outside of the house. No one heard anything anyway, which is a little odd. Shotguns are not quiet.

And here's a bit of irony for you. Joey and Cindy used to have this big, mean dog. It wasn't mean to them, of course, but it was a scary looking dog with a mean sounding bark. Anytime we went over there, Joey or Cindy would have to come out and stand on the porch so the dog would leave you alone. A little while back, probably a month or less, there was a boy walking down the street in front of their house and the dog started running after him and barking. Cindy said the dog wouldn't listen to her to come back or anything. They were afraid it was going to end up hurting someone so they got rid of it. Of course, you can't say with any certainty how things might have been different, but I am positive there is no way that guy could have snuck up on them if that dog had still been there. That doesn't mean the outcome would have been any different, but there's a good chance it might have. And of course there are 50 million other 'what ifs'.

Oh, they picked up the guy's brother. He was arrested as an accessory. So if the guy pleads not guilty, they'll likely have his brother testify against him in exchange for a lighter sentence. His preliminary hearing is tomorrow, so we'll see what happens then. I wish he'd just plead guilty, it'd save a lot of time and money, not to mention the heartache to the families that a trial would put them through.

It's been eerie here this morning. I think this is the first day Shelby and I have been here alone since it happened, and I have to admit I'm a little scared. I've got all the doors locked (which I always do anyway - so Shelby can't sneak out), and I haven't opened any curtains or blinds and I usually do that first thing in the morning. The rational part of me knows that he's in jail and heck, we didn't even know him or him know us. But part of me is still scared. If something like that could happen here, and to close friends of mine, well, is anyone really safe? God, the phone just rang and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I hope this passes soon. I guess I should stop thinking about it, I'm getting myself more worked up. But then again, I haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened. I'm scared to go to bed by myself anymore. I have to reach in and turn on a light before I go into a room at night.

Well, the funeral was today. It was hard, too. Luckily it was pretty short. They played songs that made me cry and then the service the guy gave was nice. After that, they let anyone come up for a last viewing before they closed the caskets. We went up and looked and the kids took it really hard. They both were really sobbing. I think it did them good to go. Unfortunately, we did not get to go to the burial. We went ahead of the procession because Darrell knew where the cemetary was. Only, we got lost instead and couldn't find it. Come to find out, we were very close, but of course we didn't know that until tonight and there was NO cell phone reception out there - it was very much the boonies. Gine and Danny came over tonight for a little bit, and we're all going to ride down there sometime soon, so we can visit and bring flowers. I miss them a lot. :/ I'll never understand why this happened.

That's all for today. I hope my blog hasn't been too depressing as of late, but it has really helped me to get all of it out in writing. And as bad as it may sound, it helps to know that as time goes by and I can't remember things as well, I have a fresh account written down, so I'll never completely forget.

So, here's to Joey and Cindy, who were taken too soon. Much love to you both. I miss you a lot. How I wish you were here.

Well, the viewing was today. We left at 3, and got back home at 7. I am exhausted. These things are draining anyway, and I stood the whole time. My feet and lower back are really paying for it now. We ate out tonight *again*, because it was late when we got home and everyone was hungry.

As far as the actual viewing itself, it went alright. Both Cindy and Joey looked different, but then that's true at any viewing, I think. You could see on Cindy's forehead where she had been shot - it was to the right, almost at her temple. The makeup artists can only do so much, I guess. :( They had to put her wedding ring on her chest because it wouldn't fit on her finger. Her hands were obviously swollen. Joey looked way different too, mainly because he wasn't wearing a t-shirt and he didn't have a ballcap on. It's funny how a lot of times they dress people when they die so differently from how they actually dressed when they were alive. If they'd done what Joey would have wanted, they'd have put on an old pair of jeans, t-shirt and cap, and probably put a beer and pack of cigarettes in there with him. Haha! I can see him in my head looking just like that, with that smile he always had on his face, and that slow kind of laugh. He had a slow talk too, really laid back and country. He was such a good guy.

Mackenzie followed Seana all over and mothered her. She just naturally does that to smaller kids. She did take Seana in to see Cindy and Joey for the first time. Seana had refused all day. They played for a while and then Kenzie asked her if she wanted to go in (this is what Kenzie told me). Seana asked her if they were just bones, and she told her no, that they had skin. So they held hands and went in and just looked for a while. They both touched Cindy and Joey, I guess they had to see if it was okay. Mackenzie told me later that they were freezing cold. I was glad Kenzie was there for Seana liked that - what a burden that poor little girl has in that memory. I was kind of irked by this other little girl. She was standing there while Kenzie and Seana were looking at Cindy, and she was talking about how Cindy was shot in the head and stuff. Then she started trying to say the name of the guy that did it, and Seana said "Don't talk about that!" Then the little girl started saying "Who told you to run, Seana? Who told you to run?" About that time Seana turned away to walk out, and I told Kenzie to go with her. When we all went out, Seana and Kenzie turned around and went back in without that other little girl.

The funeral is tomorrow, 10 AM.

Joey and Cindy are dead. I can't believe it, it is so unreal. Why? They never did anything to anyone. They were quiet and stayed home most of the time. It just makes no sense.

Tuesday night, May 11, at around 9 PM, Darrell and I were sitting down and had just started watching Big Fish. All of a sudden there was a huge banging on the door, and Darrell went to answer it. I heard Gina talking and I could tell something was wrong. I went to the door just in time to hear her say 'Joey and Cindy are dead and Seana's missing'. We pulled her in the house and I asked her if the police had been called. She said she didn't know, so I called 911 and told them what she'd just said. They said the sheriff was already on his way down there. I asked if they could tell me anything about what was happening, but they couldn't.

So we just all sat here and tried to figure out what was going on, and who would want to hurt Joey and Cindy and why. Darrell made brief mention of a man that Joey had talked about before that used to date Cindy's mom. He said that Joey had told him this guy had burned down a mobile home that Cindy's mom was staying in at one time, but luckily she wasn't there. Joey had told Darrell that he was concerned that this guy might come and try to start something with them, and that this guy was mean. He told Darrell that if he came down there to start trouble that Joey would kill him.

Then Gina told us again the whole story. She said at around 8:30, she told Danny that Joey had called him and so Danny called him back. They were talking, just for several minutes, when all of a sudden there was loud screaming from Seana. She said it was so loud she could hear it coming through the phone, and the dog started barking. She carried the dog inside so Danny could hear and he was trying to figure out what was happening, saying 'hello?' over and over. Then the phone went silent, but it hadn't been hung up. He came in and let Gina listen and asked her if she could hear anything. She said she heard something that sounded like a low voice, a moan or the tv or something. Danny decided to drive down there and see what had happened. When he got down there and found them dead, he called Gina and told her he didn't know what was going on, but Joey and Cindy were dead and Seana was missing. That's when the police arrived and he hung up.

Darrell left to go up to his brother's and mom and dad's houses and let them know. We didn't know who it could possibly be or if they might come down here since we're all connected. Before he went up there, he took Gina back home to get her dog and come back. While they were there, Danny called Gina back and said that Seana was at City Hall, that a neighbor had picked her up and she'd told them her mom and dad had been killed, so they took her to the police. That's how the police knew to go down there before I called them. Danny was on his way to City Hall to be with Seana, and his mother was with him. He had stopped by and picked her up before he went down there, and she is the one that found Joey, her oldest child. Seana also told them that the man who did it was Mark, her nana's ex-boyfriend. The guy Darrell had mentioned.

After that, we pretty much just sat around and talked about it and we were just all in shock. Gina left to go up to her mothers around 10, and she stayed up there until Danny got back from City Hall. Darrell and I watched tv and just sat here basically. We finally tried to lay down around 2 AM, and we slept until 3 when Gina called and said Danny was on his way home. He'd had to stay at City Hall all that time while the police talked to Seana and of course, he had to tell them what he'd seen and done. She asked us to come over, so we got up and went over. We stayed there until about 3:30, but we had to get back home because I was afraid Shelby would wake up and Mom wouldn't hear her. I slept sitting up on the couch for another couple of hours after we got back.

Darrell stayed home from work the next day (Wednesday), and Hunter stayed home from school. I gave both the kids the option to stay at home if they wanted to. They were both really upset about what had happened. They had overheard Gina telling us the story last night, so they basically knew Joey and Cindy had been shot and Seana was missing. Before they went to bed I told them Seana had been found, but I didn't tell them Joey and Cindy were dead. So when I woke them up on Wednesday, I had to tell them that Joey and Cindy were not alive. It was very upsetting to them both. They cried for a little while, and I cried with them. All day yesterday they would mention it, or they'd say they miss Joey and Cindy. Hunter said yesterday afternoon that he prayed that Joey and Cindy would be able to come back. I hate that they are having to deal with this. I hate that any of us are having to deal with this.

We now know that the guy who did it, Mark Siebenthal, shot Cindy numerous times. He was mainly after her, we think, because of her mother. Seana ran, but it's not clear if Joey told her to or if she just did because she was so scared. Joey apparently tried to get his gun, but wasn't able to. Oh, how I wish he could have. I have never felt such pure hatred for someone in my life.

Wow, what a new look! This is alright. :) I don't have much time right now, I have to leave in about 30 minutes to go pick up the kids from school. They have a dentist appointment so they get to leave early today.

I felt so awful for Hunter yesterday. His school does the Accelerated Reader program each year. It's not mandatory, so it really becomes the student's responsibility to read books and test over them and accumulate points. I didn't think Hunter would do it much this year because he's just not a big reader. Well, at the end of every school year, those kids that have got a certain amount of points, like 30 I think, get to go on a picnic at the local park for the day. Hunter told me like two weeks ago that he had enough points, that his teacher had told him he had enough to go. The picnic was yesterday, and when I went up to the park to take him some water and stuff, he wasn't there. I thought about going to check on him to make sure he was okay, but I didn't. I wish I had now, because he was VERY upset. Not only that, but he and one other boy were the only ones left in their classroom all.day.long. He was crying when he got in the car yesterday, and I just felt terrible. He said his teacher had made a mistake and he only had 17 points. :/ That kind of irritated me too, because he had about two weeks before the picnic that he could have been trying to get more points, but he thought he had enough. So I thought that was crappy. Next year I'm going to keep on him to do at least two books per week through the whole year so he'll be able to go. I hated for this to happen to him. :/

Mackenzie had a ball game last night, but about 5 minutes before it was supposed to start, it rained like, as Darrell says, a cow pissing on a flat rock. (haha!) So we basically went to the park to sit under the bleachers while it rained, then we went home. I could have cooked supper if I had known that. Tonight she has a game, but it doesn't start until 6:30. I hate this time slot, the games aren't over until around 8 or so. We'll have to eat supper before we go, but she'll have to wait for a bath until we get back, for obvious reasons. Depending on when we get back from the dentist, we may just have take-out tonight. I hope it doesn't get rained out tonight, we've got chances of those 'hit or miss' summer showers all week.

Well, I'll write more later. I've got to get a few last minute things done before I leave. And now a message from Shelby:
666 --- Ha! My little demon child.

Good gracious, it's been forever and a day since I made an entry. A whole lot has happened since I last posted. My pregnancy is going along quite smoothly. I am now 22 weeks pregnant, almost to the start of my third trimester! Woah, how did that happen? School is nearly out for the year, the kids have 8 days left. Time is really flying by.

Today is Mother's Day. It started out good enough. I'd got up at 5 AM on both Friday and Saturday, and then stayed up until 10 or later each night, so I was pretty exhausted last night. I need much more sleep than that on a good day, and when I'm not pregnant. This morning I planned to sleep in, but don't ya know I woke up at 8:30. Bah. I wanted to sleep until 10 or so. So, anyway. Kenzie brought me in a pair of earrings that she had bought me. We're broke, so I know I didn't get anything from Darrell. Oh well, nothing new I guess. The kids and Darrell then fixed me breakfast - scrambled eggs, toast, and milk - and I ate that. I got up and read online while I ate my breakfast.

To kind of veer off topic for a moment - we bought another trailer. It belonged to two old women down the road. They lost the land it was sitting on and had to move it. Well, they only moved it up the road, right across the street from our house, and there it's been sitting for the better part of a year. We recently contacted them about buying it, and we finally agreed on a price and paid them yesterday. It needs a few very minor things fixed (like the bathroom floor needs replaced), and then more cosmetic stuff - paint, new carpet, new vinyl, etc. We are going to let my mom live there while she needs to. When she moves, whenever that may be, we'll decide what to do with it then. (ie. rent it out, sell it)

So this morning, first thing after breakfast, everyone dashes off over there to do cleaning, tearing up carpets, etc. Here I am sitting in a quite filthy house that I did NOT make this way alone, thinking to myself that something is wrong with this picture. I told the kids it was time to start cleaning (they were still here watching cartoons), and they both jumped up and said 'Oh, we're supposed to be helping Granny' and ran off. So here I am in the house, alone, the very dirty house, cleaning it by myself. I was pretty pissed off about it - it IS Mother's Day, after all. Can't they at least help me clean the damn house? - and I've been pretty hormonal the past couple of days. So, I started bawling. I was cleaning while I was crying. Heh. Then Hunter comes in and asks me if I need help. No doubt, made to come in by Darrell. I told him no, and to go back outside. By then, I really didn't want anyone to be in here with me. I went to close my bedroom door - I was cleaning it first - and my mom saw me crying. She of course had to come to my door and ask me if I was okay. I told her to leave me alone and she went outside. Then a little bit later, Darrell came in asking me what was wrong. I said nothing, haha. I am just the type of person that when I am upset and in the moment, I don't want to talk. I want to be left alone until I'm over it, and then if I need to talk, I will. So he went back outside and I kept cleaning. Then before I knew it, Mom and Darrell had both come inside and started cleaning. So, apparently they figured out why I was pissed off. But then I had to fight feeling guilty - essentially throwing a tantrum so they'd help. Heh. But I didn't want them to come in and help because I got mad. I wanted help to begin with because I'm not the maid around here, and I don't live here alone - therefore the mess is not mine alone. And I had hoped people would want to help me to take a load off since it IS Mother's Day.

Or maybe I'm just a big whiny baby. Who knows.