Overwhelmed. Again.

I don't know how I'm going to get through the next 5 semesters of school. This one is kicking my ass. I just had midterms on Thursday and today, so there was lots of studying to be done. (I made a 94 & 89 in Spanish and Art, respectively) My Art project is due a week from Thursday, and I have barely started on it. I'm supposed to go to Nashville Sunday to the Frist Center, and then I have to write that damn paper, which I'll then have three weeks to write and perfect. I'm just feeling very overwhelmed, and I'm not sure how I'm going to do it all. I wish like hell I had not taken Art this semester, it's killing me. Oh, and I have to figure out some time to take the placement test, so I can get out of taking Developmental Reading. AND, next semester I have to take the Praxis I, which is required before I can get into the teaching program at the university I plan to transfer to.

I just want to scream. And now I have to go cook supper and clean up before Mackenzie and I have to be at her Girl Scout meeting (did I mention I signed on to be a co-leader?). Then back home to get kids ready for bed and try to fit some homework in. It's neverending.

Yes, boss

Maggie has started telling me "yes, boss!" If I tell her to do something, she says "yes, boss!" If I tell her to stop doing something, she says "yes, boss!" I have no idea where she got it from. It's cute, but I'm just waiting for someone in public to ask me why I make her call me boss.

Operation Potty Train: Day 2

So, I've decided to go ahead and try to potty train Maggie. I had originally intended to wait until I'm between semesters (mid-Dec. through the first week or so of Jan.) to try, but my friend Dawn, who babysits Maggie, said she wouldn't mind keeping it up when Maggie is at her house. That's why I had decided to wait, I didn't want to be inconsistent, with me only being home every other weekday, and I didn't want to ask Dawn to help train her.

Monday, we bought her some new underwear while we were shopping. I quickly realized one pack would likely not be enough and bought another. Yesterday morning, she did fabulously, no accidents at all. She did have to wear a diaper at lunchtime, because we went to have lunch at Mackenzie's school. When we got back home, she put underwear back on. Then we went and picked up the kids from school. As soon as we got home, she had an accident. She was very upset about it, and I reassured her that it was okay.

I guess she decided it was fun, because after that she had one accident after another. She didn't get back on the potty at all after 3 PM yesterday, and dirtied up an entire package of underwear. Today, she's just sitting around with no clothes on. She went to the bathroom to poop two or three times, but never did. She told me she didn't know how. That's kind of pitiful. I tried to help her, but you know, there's really not a lot anyone can do to help in that area. Tomorrow, she goes back to the babysitter, so we'll see how she does. I'll pack diapers and underwear, and let her lead the way. We'll see how it goes!

Parent teacher conferences

I had PT conferences this week with the kids' teachers. I didn't schedule one with Mackenzie's teacher, because her grades are good and we haven't had any behavior issues. Shelby was having some behavior issues at the beginning of the year, so I wanted to see how she was doing. Her teacher reported that she is doing better, especially since he separated her and her little friend. Heh. He also said she is one of the few students in the classroom that can already write her name. I was surprised!

Hunter's conferences were on a first come, first served basis, so there were no appointments. I went over after I finished talking to Shelby's teacher. I had only intended to talk to his Reading and Social Studies teachers, but since I was there I went ahead to all of his classes, except his PE teacher. And? He's not doing so well. Out of the 6 classes I went to, the highest grade he has coming on his report card next week is an 85. He has that grade in both English and Social Studies. His other grades are far worse. Let's see: 77 in Math (C+), 76 in Science (C-), and a 70 in Reading (D). He actually had a 75 in Science, but it was like two hundredths away from being 76, so his teacher curved him. Not like it made a lot of difference in the whole scheme of things, but anyway.

It appears that he is not turning in all assignments in most of his classes. His English teacher has them do all work during their class period, so he has to turn in all of that homework. But in every other class, he is not doing all of his assignments. His test grades are sucky, too. Like F and D sucky. Those pull his grade way down, as did his 9 weeks tests in most subjects.

So, starting next week (no school this week), he is grounded for two weeks. I am copying all of his assignments from his agenda book each Monday, and he is expected to bring material home to study when he has upcoming tests. He is also expected to do and turn in all homework assignments from here on out. Some of the things he didn't turn in were so easy, too. In Science, for example, his teacher gave them the opportunity to make three 100s if they did some vocabulary. All he had to do was write out the definitions. He didn't do it, so he got three zeros instead.

He is also going to start going to an after school tutoring program the school started this year. It's optional for all students, but I got a sheet last week saying he had been recommended to go, and I signed off on it. So 2-3 days a week, he will be staying after school until 4:30. They only cover Math and Language Arts, but that's better than nothing. I'm not sure when it starts though, hopefully soon! I also told him that if he backslides and starts not turning in homework or not bringing stuff home to work on after he's off of his grounding, he will go right back on. He still has three more 9 week periods, so he has plenty of time to turn it around and get back on track.

Par-tay!

So, I'm drinking a little tonight. Whiskey. I haven't drank whiskey in probably oh, 12 years. I have been nursing a very, very mild drink, but I am totally feeling it. I'm surprised I am typing coherently. Or at least I think I am.

We just watched the wildest fucking movie, or maybe it was just wild because I'm tipsy. It was Bug, with Ashley Judd. I had this idea that it was a horror type movie, but no, it's just about paranoid, delusional people thinking they were implanted with bugs by the government. I might think it was sad if parts of it hadn't cracked me up. Like when Ashley Judd stood up and yelled "I am the super mother bug! I am the super mother bug!" Seriously though, if you get the chance to watch the movie for free, you can, but I really wouldn't spend money to rent it.

We had a bonfire with the kids tonight. We roasted hot dogs and marshmallows and made s'mores. We had a nice time, and the kids absolutely loved it. Maggie fell asleep shortly after we came in, she hadn't napped all day. We had to go feed my SIL's dog for her today, since she and her husband were out of town today. We had to go over at 12 and at 5, and feed the dog both times. With a fork. Yes, folks, I am completely serious. For starters, it's a 3 year old dog, it doesn't need to eat three times a day. That's why he's so fat. Secondly, with a fork? Are you fucking kidding me? A fork?! I knew she fed the thing with a fork, but I had no idea she really expected us to do that. Geezus, it's a dog. And she had to call us twice to check on him and make sure he was okay. Yeah, he's fine. He stays home alone all the time while you're at work, dumbass. If you were that worried, then etake him with you or stay home. I understand some people just really love their pets, so maybe this is totally normal for them, but it's a foreign concept to me.

I'm going to stop typing now. Y'all have no idea how many times I'm having to hit the backspace button. Hee!

That Art class again

I know, it's always something with that class. I guess because most of the class is 18-19 years old, I don't know. Yes, the instructor is quite picky, and she doesn't always make sense, but really it's not that hard to get everything together. For instance, she told us we have to do an experience report, which is basically going to a museum or an architectural work and writing a paper on it. Alternatively, if anyone is unable to do those things, they have option C, which has some different guidelines and expectations. It's not a hard concept to grasp, unless you're Boy A in that classroom. He seems perpetually confused, unable to understand even the simplest details. I don't believe there is anything wrong with him, such as a learning disability, I think he's just dim. And he doesn't pay attention in class. Yeah, you might miss some things if you DON'T LISTEN! He wasted almost our entire class period yesterday, asking her to clarify and clarify again a very simple concept. If this class is too hard for you, then drop it and take it later under another instructor. It is not rocket science. You have choices!

Boy B is a brown noser to the nth degree. He's also a know it all. He thinks he knows all there is to know in the art world, when really he's just talking out of his ass most of the time. He regularly interrupts the instructor (which is just rude) to interject his own comments and points of view. Like we care, dude! He also starts talking religion at the drop of a hat. I know there is a lot of religious art, and some of it is in the book, and when analyzing it, you do have to understand the belief system behind the painting. I have no issue with that. There are also Chinese paintings featured in the book, and a lot of them reference Buddhism. This guy will almost start preaching when we get on the subject, though. Highly freaking annoying.

A couple of weeks ago, she was lecturing, and asked a question about something she had told us in the previous class. This guy starts answering, but he's going around in circles, and not giving her the ONE WORD answer that she was looking for. So when he stops talking, I said the correct answer. No biggie, right? Well, I guess I offended the poor fella, because he had it out for me after that. Everytime I answered something after that, he had to correct me, even though I was not wrong. I pay attention, I take notes, and I know what I'm talking about (and if I don't, then I just keep quiet). He even corrected the order in which I read a list of items off, like that matters! He corrected me about 3-4 times in just that one class. Apparently he doesn't like to be wrong. I felt like standing up and asking him what the fuck his problem was. I'm not going to sit there and not participate to soothe his fragile ego.

In other news, I had my first Spanish test last Thursday. I got it back yesterday, and I made a 97! Woot! I actually made a 95, but I got a couple of points extra credit for turning in all my labs on the day of the test. Funny, I thought the labs were mandatory. Besides, they are helpful, and some of this Spanish language stuff is complicated! I need all the practice I can get. I'll leave you with what I learned how to say yesterday: Me tomo tres clases: el espanol, literatura, y arte. :D

Adios!

However, but

This is what my Art teacher says all.the.time. However, but. At first I thought it was just a one time thing, she must realize they mean the same thing, right? But, no, she has continued to say it repeatedly at each class. And she says it all together, like it's one word. It's especially funny, because she is such a stickler about pronunciation and such. She'll correct us if we say Renaissance incorrectly (or incorrectly according to her anyway. I'm not so sure we're the ones saying it wrong). Every time she's lecturing and says "however, but" I want to laugh out loud. So, yeah, that's the highlight of my Art class. Sounds really fun, right?

Mackenzie told me yesterday that she tested on a book at school for AR and got a 60. Then a few minutes later she says she has to walk all of her recess period on Friday, as well as during the free recess they usually have. I asked her why, and she said it's because she made a 60 on the AR test. What.the.hell? I meant to write her teacher a note and ask her what the hell kind of policy this is, but I forgot. I'm going to write one today and get it to her tomorrow. I think that's insane, and I'm not having it. AR is not optional, the top 5 grades of all the books she reads in a 9 week period count for 25% of her Reading grade. However, but (haha!) I don't put it on the same par as homework, especially since I know Mackenzie reads well more than 5 books in a 9 week period. If she can have five 100s to account for the 25%, then what's the big deal if she occasionally screws up and doesn't do well on an AR test. She told me it took her from last Monday to read the whole book, during which time she also read another book. So, most likely she either took too long to finish and couldn't remember certain details, or the book was possibly just out of her comprehension level. She told me it was nearly 300 pages, but she couldn't remember the grade level.

In any case, I will be talking to the teacher, and letting her know it is unacceptable for Mackenzie to walk during recess on Friday, for that reason anyway. I'll let you know what happens!

At least the first two weeks were easy

I'm on my third week of school, and the pressure is mounting. I got lulled into thinking it might not be so bad, so hard, during those first two weeks, but uh, yeah, it is. I have so much to do, I need to start my first paper in Lit, which I'm terrified of doing. My first Art test is coming up, and I know it's going to be killer just from what she's already told us we need to know. I have to do a project for that class, as well as visit an art exhibit and write a 5-10 page paper on two pieces of art that I see. I am behind in my Spanish lab, too.

My house was a wreck today, so I've been cleaning today until just now, and of course this evening I had to cook supper and get Shelby & Maggie ready for bed, plus take Kenzie to church and go back and get her. So now, here I sit, when I should be reading "The Fall of the House of Usher", Chapter 5 in my Art book, studying how to tell time in Spanish, and catching up on my Spanish lab, blogging. With it being this difficult taking only three classes, I don't know how I'll manage the 5 I plan to take next semester. Argh, stress!

Happy Birthday, Maggie!

3 years ago today, I gave birth to my baby, my precious last child, my namesake! I so wanted to hold on to her time as a baby, knowing just how fast it goes, and I did, but it still went by far too fast. Today, she's a rambunctious, chattering, smiley, laughing, hilarious, sweet, affectionate, loving, adorable little 3 year old. She melts my heart when she says 'I love you, mommy', and irritates me beyond belief when she says 'I don't have to!'

I have her all to myself for one more year, before she goes off to pre-school, then Kindergarten, and out into the big, bad world. It won't go by slow enough, and before I know it, she won't be my little baby anymore, my little Maggie May. But for now she is, and I will enjoy every single day of it, even when I'm cleaning up the 3,000th mess of the day, or listening to an infamous toddler tantrum. Well, okay, I may have to refer back to this post during some of those times. ;)

Happy Birthday, my sweet little Maggie.

[sappy post over. please return to your regularly scheduled blogging.]

A little cheese, please...

To go with my whine. I'm sick. :( The kids have ever so thoughtfully shared their cold with me. I feel like crap today. I'm congested, barking like a dog, dizzy, and just feel rundown. My back is hurting and now my tongue is numb. I've just been laying around the house today, but my house is an utter disaster and tomorrow I have to get it completely cleaned up, and grocery shop, since I have school Tuesday. I had planned on getting it all done before now, I wanted to do some yard work too this weekend, but that's not going to happen now. I hope I feel better tomorrow. *whine*

What does the airplane symbolize?

So, I had my first week at school. It went well, although now I'm quite a bit older than most of the other students. Heh. I'm liking Spanish, that is going well, although it is hard. I am not liking Lit or Art. I'm not a big fan of analyzing everything to death, and that's pretty much what we're doing in both classes. "What does the airplane symbolize?" Who cares? I read mostly for entertainment purposes. I do read non-fiction, and it does make me think, but I don't want to pick a story apart. Luckily for me, we only have to write two papers in that class, and a friend of mine has offered to help if I get stuck. So that's a load off.

I think I'd like the Art class more if I had a different instructor. The one I have is very old-fashioned, even recommending that we consider dressing professionally to come to class. Okay, I'm not going to trek across a campus in a business suit, sorry. When I finish school and start interviewing/working, then I'll dress appropriately for my chosen career. She also likes to show DVDs, which so far, I have found incredibly boring. With her, it's pretty much read chapter X, and watch a DVD. I don't think it'll be too hard, it's just difficult for me to get interested when she makes it so boring.

Well, that's it in a nutshell! It's going good, but I will be glad for the semester to end. I only have 28 days of classes (plus final exams), so I know I can do it. But still, think good thoughts for me. ;)

Back to school - for me!

Tomorrow is my big day, I start school! I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. There are still a few things to be done, which irks me. I thought getting my financial aid stuff filled out back in April, and my admission application in June would leave enough time to get everything squared away before the first day. But, no. I have to go in early tomorrow and make sure my tuition is charged to my financial aid, get my parking permit, and check on book prices. I wasn't planning on buying any books until after my first day of class, but my friend ever so helpfully said "What if they give you homework on the first day?" That's a way to bring my anxiety level down, friend. Heh. I'm going to go ahead with my way of doing it and hopefully it will work out. From what I remember, you just get the syllabus, book list, etc. on the first day anyway.

So, I leave as soon as I drop the kids at school tomorrow, and I'll be home in time to pick them up. I'll try to post tomorrow night about how it went. Wish me luck!

Put yourself on the map!

I added one of those buddy map things to my blog, so please add yourself! I'm not so arrogant as to assume I have a lot of readers, but I thought it would be fun to do. It's at the bottom of the blog, so please add your name. :)

The Tooth Fairy's coming!

Shelby lost her first tooth tonight! I had no idea she even had one loose, she never told me. She ran up to me this evening and said she had a loose one, and it was just hanging on by a thread at that point. She pushed it around with her tongue for a few minutes and it popped out! Everything is happening at once with her. She just finished her first full week of school, and now lost her first tooth. The one next to it is pretty loose, too, so I figure she'll lose it within a few days.

Anxiety, lots of anxiety

I've suffered from general anxiety for over 3 years now. It was triggered when our friends were murdered in 2004. I suffered with it for a while, went on Lexapro briefly and then back off it. I don't like taking daily medication, and I've always been able to handle it pretty well.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately, but it's gotten bad and I'm not handling it well. I'm sleeping a lot, I feel nervous the majority of the time, I've started having headaches at least 4 times a week, and I have a lightheaded/dizzy feeling a lot of the time now, too. I am thinking it has to do with me starting school. The closer it gets, the more nervous I am. I start in 5 days, and I'm excited about it, I don't dread it or anything. I guess the reason it's making me anxious is I'm worried about going to school, and caring for my children and my home at the same time. I had a breakdown Sunday night, I just started crying while I was folding a load of towels. My whole body felt like it was shaking uncontrollably, but I wasn't shaking at all. It came and went pretty quickly, and I didn't identify it as anxiety until later.

I should probably go to the doctor, and get put back on meds, but I just don't want to, and I'm not really sure why. I guess I want to wait until I start school and see if it goes away, or at least back to the tolerable level it was a few weeks ago. I will have to do something if it doesn't ease up soon, though, I don't know how much longer I can handle this.

White Light, Black Rain

I just finished watching a documentary on HBO called White Light, Black Rain: The Destruction of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I have always been interested in World War II, so I tivo'd this the other day when I saw it on. It made me incredibly sad. I just keep seeing the pictures and images they showed. The survivors they interviewed were so young when it happened, mostly small children, and it hurts my heart to think of the things they saw and endured.

I really recommend watching it if you get the chance, but be warned, it shows graphic images of the injuries people sustained, and of the aftermath.

Scissors + 5 year old = Emergency trip to salon

I forgot to mention when I posted last night, Shelby got a haircut! Apparently her new school scissors were just calling her name, and for some inexplicable reason, she cut her hair. Up to her ear on the left side. Shelby, the child who has handled scissors for at least 2 years now, cutting paper and doing crafts, finally cuts her hair when she's 5 1/2! Luckily, the salon was able to get us in that afternoon, and now she has a pretty short, but very cute, layered bob:

Before:


After:

Busy week!

The kids had their first week of school this week, and I've been trying to get everything lined up for my school, so I've been pretty busy. Hunter and Mackenzie started out with a full week, and since Shelby is in Kindergarten, she's on a staggered schedule and only went one day this week. All of them like their teachers, and the year has started off well. Hunter was extremely nervous about 6th grade, switching classes and all, but he absolutely loves it. I figured he would, and I'm glad he does. Shelby was looking forward to it until she found out that her teacher is a man. But she had a good time on her day last week, and she says she likes her teacher, now, which is a relief. Here are some pictures of them:

As for me, I've been getting all kinds of frustrating surprises from the college. First of all, the website was saying I had holds from the library, so I couldn't register my classes online. When I called the library to have them removed, they couldn't find any record of me in the computer.

I finally got that worked out, and got online to register. Then I found out I can't take more than 11.999 hours per semester unless I show proof of 2 doses of the MMR vaccine. The thing that pisses me off is the only reason I have to show this proof is because I received my GED. At this school, if you graduated between '78 and '99, you only have to show proof of one dose (which is what I have). But if you graduated after '99 OR got your GED, you have to show proof of two doses. I was supposed to graduate in '97, but actually received my GED in '96. So I really fail to see what the fact that I got my GED has to do with how many doses of a vaccination I got when I was a kid. Did they give me a different dose or something, knowing that 17 years down the road I'd get my GED instead of graduating with a diploma? It's insane.

So, for now, I'm registered for 9 hours. I'll go on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and take Intro to Visual Arts, Intro to Literary Genres, and Spanish I. Those weren't my first picks of what to take, but there wasn't a whole lot left by the time I was able to register.

I also found out that when I took the placement test for the college back in 2000, I was deficient in the Reading portion of the test, along with the Math portion. I fulfilled the Math deficiencies (Elementary and Intermediate Algebra) when I went in 2001, but no one ever told me this. Plus, the fact that I was deficient in two subjects, requires me to take a class called Learning Strategies. This also pisses me off, because I could have finished these classes already if I'd known I had to take them, but the main thing that makes me mad is that I am an excellent reader (not to toot my own horn)! I really don't understand how I could have failed the Reading portion. I can pay $20 and retake the reading portion the next time they have the placement tests, and if I test out of it this time, those two deficiencies will be removed and I won't have to take those two classes. I plan to do that, because I'm sure I will test out this time. I'm wondering if there wasn't some kind of mess up, seeing as I was never told about those developmental classes before. The college changed computer systems recently, so it makes it suspect.

I just hope nothing else comes up before school starts. I'll start on August 28, so just over two weeks. I qualify for some financial aid, but it won't let me accept the award on the website. I've got to call the Financial Aid Office on Monday and see what's up with that. Since I'll be a student this fall, I'll have priority registration for spring, so hopefully I won't have a bunch of bullshit to go through when it's time to register for spring. And I will definitely finish this time, because no way do I want to go through the whole enrollment process ever again!

Back to school

Back to school time is always fun, right? Shopping for school supplies, backpacks, lunchboxes, clothes, shoes. A fun time is had by all. Until it's not. I always start out the annual shopping day with high hopes and spirits. Until we hit the first store. Three kids scatter across the store grabbing what they need and/or want, yelling at Mom to come help them find this or that. It's about ten minutes into the first store that Mom starts to get a headache, starts to lose her patience, and get a little irritated.

Needless to say, we did some shopping over the weekend. We just went for clothes and shoes, since I don't have supply lists yet. We went to the shoe store first. I thought ahead for once and had Darrell take Maggie to another store while the rest of us got shoes. Maggie has a thing for shoes and she would have had a classic 2 year old tantrum if she had been in there with us and not got shoes. Then we went to Ross, which is sort of like a Big Lots for clothes. They have good name brands for a fraction of the retail price. You can get excellent deals there. We got Hunter everything he needs to start the year off (he'll need more winter clothes later). Darrell ducked out of that store shortly after we got in there, but he took Maggie with him again, thank goodness. Shelby stayed with me to whine about wanting toys, which I had already told them we were not buying.

Next we went to TJ Maxx to look for Kenzie's stuff. We found her everything she needed there, which was pretty much just shorts. I made Shelby stay in the truck with Darrell, but took Maggie in with me, under the condition that she had to ride in the cart. She was just fine in that store, while it was Hunter who was bugging me for non-clothes.

At that point, we still needed to swing by Wal-Mart for socks and underwear, but I was already worn out. We'd been shopping for about 2 1/2 hours, and I was wiped. Shopping with the children is hard work! So, we stopped by a friends house and visited for a little bit and came home. I'm glad to have all that finished, and the only things we have left are the incidentals, and of course supplies.

Today we did absolutely nothing. I decided to be lazy and stayed in bed until 2 PM. I cleaned on the house a little bit and did some laundry, and cooked supper late. Tomorrow, and all week, we're supposed to all get up early so that we can ready ourselves for school starting next Monday. I always have that plan, but it never seems to actually happen. We usually go up to the day before school starts sleeping late, and then we have to adjust ourselves the first few days of school.

I got all my transcripts and things sent to Columbia State, so hopefully I'll be hearing something from them within the next few days. Wish me luck with that!

Today has been so lazy. The kids went out and played in the kiddie pool, and other than that we've done nothing. We all slept until around 11 AM, so we haven't even been up that long.

I've started a new blog! I decided to keep my weight loss stuff separate, so I made a new forum for it. It's called My Weight Loss Journey. I am putting it all out there, and am really only looking for support. I know some of my eating habits aren't all that great, and my water intake is sucking so far, and exercise is pretty much nil, but I'm just working on small things at a time, so I just need support, not criticism, even the constructive kind. I am very sensitive over my weight issues, so it was a huge step just for me to do this, and I'm feeling kind of fragile and exposed.

Shelby stayed up all.night.long last night. Like I've said in earlier posts, her sleep schedule has been messed up ever since she had her surgery. Last night, Darrell fell asleep on the couch. About 1:00, I went to bed, and I just let him sleep because he was wore out from work yesterday, and he was sleeping deeply. I told Shelby (who was still up at this point), to come into my bed with me and go to sleep. She did, but at around 1:30, she decided she wanted to sleep in the living room with Darrell. I told her to go in there and lay down and go.to.sleep. Next thing I know it's 4:30 AM, I hear a loud noise from the living room, so I go in there, and she's still up!! I do not take well to getting woke up in the middle of the night over nonsense, so I wasn't a happy camper, and neither was she once I got in there. I don't know what I'm going to do with that kid. I let her sleep for 6.5 hours, and then made her get up when I did. I had intended to make her get up by 9 AM, but since I was so tired, I didn't wake up!

We're getting a new bed tonight. Woot! My SIL's boyfriend bought a brand new queen size bed for his son, and for some reason they aren't using it, so they offered it to us. I am SO glad. I have no problems with our current bed really, but Darrell hates it. But this way, we're going to give Hunter our bed, and his bed will get passed to Kenzie, whose bed will go to Shelby. It's musical beds! ;)