How does food have such control over my life? How? I have completely lost control over myself this week. I didn't even weigh in this morning. I weighed on Wednesday and had gained back 1.5 pounds. This sucks! Why do I let food control me like this? I was watching that reality show on VH1 where the celebrities are competing to lose weight. The one lady that used to do the Snapple commercials was on there, she was big and I thought surely she weighed over 300 pounds. They weighed her and she was 245 pounds. OMG. That is what I look like. I look like her. I thought she looked huge, and I LOOK LIKE THAT. I keep waffling, going back and forth between fuck it and I can do this. The fuck it moments are easier to give in to, hmm. This pisses me off. I can't even run and keep up with my 3 y/o! If she takes off running, I cannot catch her. So, I've decided to lay it all out on the line. I am restarting first thing Monday morning. I am going to set specific goals, daily goals, at least until I have a handle on things. On Monday, I will:
- drink *1* Diet Dr. Pepper and then water or Crystal Light the rest of the day
- not eat any junk food: cakes, candies, chips, etc
- eat small portions
- get in at least 30 minutes of exercise
I'm going to start planning out my food for the entire day the night before, and stick to that menu. This is what I'm going to do.
I have to do this. I have to, I have to, I have to. I just have to grab it by the horns and resist. It's all about will power. I managed to quit smoking with a smoker around me, and that is an actual addiction! I can do this. I want to look pretty again. I want to not be embarrassed by how I look. I don't want to be self-conscious all the time. I want to be able to run and catch my 3 y/o.
Oh yeah, and Delphi is pissing me off this evening!
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